Crazy Neighbor

My Dear Protective Sir,

One word: Maisy.

You had me scared of your poor, defenseless, old neighbor lady before I ever got to Australia. Then I caught her watching me: and watching me – always watching me.

Once I went out in the backyard to do something, and poor Maisy made a beeline for me. I had no idea she could get around that quickly. She was fast for an old gal.

She started asking me questions. She wanted to know who I was, what I was doing in your house, how long I was staying, and why did I talk funny? (Those are just a few of the questions she bombarded me with.) I believe I started making up answers to throw her off the scent of a good gossip story. I also wanted so badly to point out that I had on your dressing gown and you needed it back pronto. Her tongue wouldn’t have stopped wagging for days. Being the ever-so-proper woman I am, I refrained.

I found it quite funny that even her son went the long way around to avoid her (but more on that later).  Dear Maisy, I hope you thought of me often.

Naughtily yours,

Darling

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

My Dear Scandalous Darling

Neighbourhood Watch took on a whole new meaning with a Maisy in your life as she never missed a thing. The neighbourhood was not so much watched as scrutinised, recorded then reported upon.  

Maisy, well she would torment me. Her back porch gave her the perfect view into my backyard. If it was a warm evening and we were barbequing, she would know and join the party. If I had visitors she would see and find some reason to visit. She was shameless. If there was an event on she would invite herself. I can remember being coerced into taking her to the start of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race one year at a quite rich and powerful colleague’s home where she was rude and obnoxious to a myriad of people. When she felt it was time to go, and that the rest of us might actually be enjoying ourselves, she feigned a hypoglycemic attack and forced us to take her home. She was the bane of my existence.

There was another occasion when she invited herself along to a Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant then moaned bitterly about the garlic. She even managed to destroy a Christmas lunch once. We had booked to go to the restaurant.  She decided she should be there also, so she called the restaurant and changed the booking to include her, which was bad enough. That wasn’t where it ended however; she also changed us from the second sitting to the first because she didn’t wish to eat at a 1.30pm. I was apoplectic.

When you visited me I most definitely would have warned you about The Maisy Beast (as she was known to all my friends and visitors.) She was a pox on my home and I did not wish for her to poison the beauty that was you and I alone together. I knew she would hunt you down and interrogate you. Having some strange American in my home would have been just too much for her gossip riddled mind. We both know she stalked you. There was no hiding from The Beast with rumour and innuendo to be had.

I wish you had tried to make her speechless with mention of the dressing gown and my urgent requirement thereof. She would have taken a moment to digest it and then probably popped a hip joint in her rush to get to the phone and tell her gossip buddies.

Interrogatingly Your 

From Sir With Love

©2014 Darling and Sir

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76 comments on “Crazy Neighbor

  1. I was literally laughing loudly as I read both your accounts.

    I am sorry Dear Sir, I understand the predicament she put you in would not have been humorous. But it does make for a funny story

    BP

    • It’s hysterical, BP.
      Old Maisy had a nose for gossip. I’m sure she noticed that I was wearing Sir’s dressing gown.

      I made sure I kissed Sir outside every chance I got. At the risk of being crude, I would not have minded Sir opening his bedroom window so she could hear that “damn noise” a time or two. Heehee.

      ~ Darling

      • Ha ha ha. Being risque does not sound like you. But in all bad things, there arises something good, and I guess she made you bolder and more frivolous about your behaviour and thus in someway that should have made both Sir and you get a ‘kick’ out of it.

        Hmm, Ms. Darling, just keep this between the two of us but I suspect Maisy was ‘planted’ there just to evoke your other side, by none other than Sir himself! If you make a surprise visit to his home now, you will see that Maisy is actually Sir’s gardener :))

        P.S. Sir, i am saying the above to make Ms.darling travel down under to see you…hope you get my brilliant idea :))

        Double P.S. I think I knocked my head somewhere when I woke up today…lol

  2. And Sir, as a loyal The Sir Letters follower and one who has liked every single on of your posts in the recent past, I noticed that this was the first post where you have made more than 1 typo!

    Is Maisy really causing you so much anguish that you cannot even type properly as you vent out.

    Typos amd grammatical mistakes are my trademarks. Please do not steal it!

    Jk

    Forgot to add, I absolutely loved this post.

    • I fixed three minor errors. I hope that suffices.

      ~ Darling

      p.s. I usually edit it for him and vice versa, but I have been slacking. Sir blames me.

      • Ha ha ha….thanks for that Ms.Darling!

        Sir!! And I always thought YOU were perfect. So behind every perfect man there IS a woman eh?

        • Hi Again BP

          I failed to respond to your most salient statement. “Behind every perfect man there is a woman.” I have to say BP that in the interests of self preservation and correctness that maybe you should have typed something to the effect that “behind every man there is a perfect woman.”

          I will never hear the end of it from Darling if I am described as “perfect” even if it is Darling who is given the credit for making me so.

          Regards
          Sir

          • My Dear Sir,

            A woman IS perfect, by default. It is therefore incorrect to add that adjective before the word woman. It is almost like saying ‘she is a beautiful beauty’ or something in that order. Besides I was referring to Ms.Darling, so I assumed you would understand.

            Ahem!

            BP

            P.S. Do you think I should try a hand at politics? ;)

    • Hi BP

      Darling is being way too kind to me. We both try and set a high standard with our writing. We aim to be fluent, concise, witty, candid, amusing and ironic. We also place a high degree of importance on punctuation, grammar and spelling (even though there are variations of all three between both our countries.)

      I have had a massive change in my employment conditions in recent weeks. It has severely curtailed my available time in regards to WordPress. I have allowed my desire to provide content to override my English teacher’s eye for detail. I can only apologise and I will endeavour to redouble my efforts and strive to not let it happen again.

      Regards
      Sir

      • Oh my God, Sir,

        I was just kidding when I said that. I know you take the language very seriously, that too for an Australian (I always thought, Australia had its own language – Ausilish, which no other English speaking person can understand).

        Besides even in my comment I had made enough mistakes to beat you. Hah! I am the king of typos and bad grammar!

        BP

  3. Dear Ms.Darling and Sir,

    As a sincere follower, I wanted to present you with a request for your next post. Do you think you two could write a poem with each of you contributing to the alternate lines? This will be the first post where there will be no letter from and to, the both of you. I know it isnt the Sir letters style. But i wish you did this. I would love to read it!

  4. BP

    It is an interesting concept. Plus I can see that the outcome may make for entertaining reading. Darling is the poet in this duo. I have no literary pretensions when it comes to the short form of poetry.

    I will discuss it with Darling and then we can give you a more considered answer.

    Regards
    Sir

  5. Oh, my gracious! I believe The Beast and my former neighbors, The Nosey Sisters, must have been related! You have my sympathies. The Nosey Sisters came knocking on my door one time when a certain gentleman caller and I were in the throes of passion. When I failed to answer the door, they came around to the bedroom window. We could hear them asking each other if they could hear anything. It was all we could do to stifle our giggles!

    And Ms. Darling, I agree with Sir – you should’ve told Maisy about the dressing gown! ;)

    • Hi Mel

      She was one piece of work. I mean nosy neighbours are the bane of our existence. Your friends and family mock them but because you are stuck living next to them you tolerate a level of below par behaviour in the interests of keeping the peace. Sometimes enough is enough though. We had words in the end and she didn’t speak to me for years.

      Regards
      Sir

  6. Loved this. Had me laughing good.

  7. Poor Maisy, she sounds so lonely. And probably angry at the world for leaving her in a position where she is alone. She probably feels she’s got to control things around her just to feel safe. How she must be hurting inside if she’s at the point where she is blinded to those hurting outside. Her memories of youth are probably riddled with pain to be acting out like she does now.

    All you had to do was assert yourself stalwartly from the start, take zero crap, show her you mean business, and teach her how to treat you. It’s not pleasant, to be sure, but it’s a lot less painful than what eventually transpired. Instead, you caved and then whined each time. Looks like Maisy is more successful in training her neighbors than you are.

    • Hi Allthought

      No doubt there is much truth in what you say. But when you innocently move next door to someone you always try to put the best foot forward and be a good neighbour. If I had known she shared the character traits that she did I would have taken a very different approach from the beginning. Then again hindsight is always 20/20.

      When you say that Maisy trained her neighbours better than I did you hit the nail right on the head. She had a clear outcome in her mind and had considered the steps it would take to reach her goal. I, on the other hand, treated each encounter on its merits and was not looking at any grand scheme.

      Ultimately we did have a reckoning and no one got the outcome they were looking for. You live and learn.

      Thanks for stopping by and fighting her corner. It always makes for a more interesting discussion when there is another taking a considered yet opposing point of view.

      Kind Regards
      Sir

  8. Miranda says:

    This is delightful; I have to go read more!

    • We appreciate you saying so. We’re happy to have delighted you. We like our story, but we’re prejudice. :)
      Thank you so much for stopping by. Cheers.

      ~ Darling

    • Hi Miranda I always feel slightly guilty when I hear someone say they have to read more. I feel like I have set an assignment and that they must finish the novel before class next Wednesday. I trust you enjoy what you find and thank you so much for showing an interest. Regards Sir

  9. At least she makes life interesting!

    • Hi There I think there is a Chinese curse that masquerades as a proverb, something like “may you live in interesting times”. Maybe we could rewrite it for Maisy to “may you live next to an interesting neighbour”. Thanks for your comment. Regards Sir

  10. neverending1 says:

    I had a neighbor like this. She used to drive me insane. She’d look in my window, follow me to the bus stop, etc. I

    • Hi Never

      That is a bit special, stalking you to the bus stop. You sometimes just have to sit back and admire the creativity and the gall that it takes to behave in such a manner.

      Thanks for dropping by.

      Regards
      Sir

  11. I love this post, because Maisy reminds me of a nosy neighbor and relative that I had like that. Inviting herself over when you have company and changing the dinner arrangements, now that is funny!!!!!!

    • Hi Everly

      She was most definitely an interesting character. To make matters worse I was friends with her son. I lived there for about six years and to put it gently she certainly kept me on my toes.

      Regards
      Sir

  12. J Blanche says:

    Reblogged this on Simply that.

  13. orwell1627 says:

    Fantastic read! I’m so glad that I found this humorous corner of the Internet!

  14. This may be the funniest thing I’ve read all day, what a great post! :D

  15. Reblogged this on The Sleepless Mommie and commented:
    very enjoyable wanted to share it :)

  16. aishasoasis says:

    Oh, wonderful post, I can’t wait to read more letters! My blog is similar – I married an Egyptian man after meeting him on the internet, and only 50 days of emailing. I’m using my binders of printed emails as posts. It’s been a very exciting ride! Try Ep. 6: Seeking Wife To Be Love And Friend http://aishasoasis.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/ep-6-joyride-to-egypt-seeking-wife-to-be-love-friend/

  17. Thanks for making me laugh. This story reminds me of my neighbor. He always wants to talk when I’m busy or in a rush. I like your site!

    Mr.MakingUsmile

  18. hw9015 says:

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  19. Joyce A says:

    Love these letters re-blogged this on http://wp.me/P4gyqa-1
    Joyce A.

  20. Sarah says:

    THE BEST! I LOVED reading this. Great work :)

  21. […] mentioned in an earlier letter about crazy Maisy’s son (Reon). He was your on-and-off again housemate, but if memory serves he was hardly ever […]

  22. Is this a true story? I really can’t imagine having a neighbour who acts like minding other people’ bussinesses.

  23. Kayla says:

    Dear Darling and Sir,

    Being bored on WordPress looking for new articles and people to follow I found this. All my time being on the internet(I will be 20 in May) I have never seen such a duo!

    Ms. Darling, from this post and a few comments you seem to be creative; well written, and a bit shy with a new found edge because of Maisy.

    Sir, you seem to be charming, cunning, and tactful. You seem to know what you want to say, and say it well. I like your style of writing and the tone it takes on.

    Separately you two have your strengths, but together you blend and work well together. I am happily amazed at this post. You have found yourself a new follower. I plan to look at your old works.

    Stay happy Ms. Darling and Sir.

    P.S. Ms. Darling, you should go and visit Sir. It would make you both very happy :3

    • Kayla,

      I love your astute observations. Sometimes voice is hard to ‘hear’ in nonverbal communications, and personalities are even harder to pick out. I love that you’ve reached your own conclusions. Thank you for your kind words.

      You’ll have to ask Sir if I’m shy. Heh. For some reason I think he will get a kick out your comment (especially the bit about Maisy). You made me smile.

      Sir and I are both very strong personalities, and we love that we’ve found each other again. I know it seems daunting to catch up on our story, but suffice it to say that our story is unraveling as we write our letters. Even we do not know the ending, but we want each other to be happy. Plus as Sir so succinctly stated to me “Dare I Hope.”

      Thank you again for your sweet message. Sir will be thrilled to read it as well (when he awakes).

      ~ Darling
      p.s. I would love to visit Sir again, but I don’t think he’ll let me leave. :D I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.

    • Hi Kayla

      Thanks for dropping by.

      The reaction to these letters has been extraordinary. That you have assigned us personalities and can hear them through our writing is quite the compliment. One of the beautiful things about the written word is that when we read it we can impress upon it whatever characteristics our imaginations allow. Then when our own mood changes all that can alter and so with it our perceptions.

      I hope you have the chance to read some back story. As for Darling visiting, I am all for it. I would make it happen in a heartbeat. I just await her consent.

      Regards
      Sir

      • Kayla says:

        Dear Ms. Darling and Mr. Sir,

        I have taken the time to read all of your prior letters/poems. Might I just say: My Lord! What a romantic and heady relationship you two have. I’ve never been sucked into a relationship in such a way besides my current one and reading your letters and poems.

        Darling, I reverse what I’ve said about you. You are feisty with a shy edge! I think Mr. Sir brings out the best in you!

        Sir, you are a brilliant, well spoken man! A man whom makes mistakes, but everyone does. I wish to congratulate you on being “freshly pressed”. When I saw your letters on freshly pressed and read it I figured it was the kind of stuff that was freshly pressed often.

        I’d like to apologize for not formally congratulating you in my earlier comment. Darling, Sir; I adore your letters! Milkshake Kid! Oh my gosh, I’d have a fit laughing! I’m seriously surprised you two replied to me. With letters as good as yours you should be plummeted with fan comments.

        Darling, if you’re still worried about publicizing your feelings and relationship with Sir you have nothing to fear. The world needs more love! The world needs more real love! Romance novels are great but they leave room for want. This is magnificent. You tell your stories in such a way that leave me wanting for the every detail!

        You leave holes here and there to be filled in with later posts and you do! I’ve never seen such a writing style. It works impeccably! As I’ve stated before of all my times on the internet I’ve never seen such a duo like yours!

        Not to mention your music tastes! Such divine and remarkable music; heart-wrenching and fulfilling.

        I should probably stop complimenting you both before you guys think weird of me :S

        ~Kayla

        • Ahhh Dear Kayla, You made me laugh. Out loud. Really loud. I already have dibs on being weird, so in comparison you seem quite normal and very adept in expressing yourself. Kudos. You have been so very sweet and kind and very liberal with your compliments. We are truly humbled. Thank you. I love that you enjoyed the milkshake kid story. The look on Sir’s face only intensifies the hilarity of the situation for me. I checked out your site as well, and it looks like you’re brand-spankin’ new to WordPress. Good luck. I look forward to reading your posts. I am also humbled you perused our site. Thanks again. My best. ~Darling

        • Hi Kayla I feel awfully guilty when I see someone who has read the entire blog. Its almost like I am back teaching high school again and I have set some homework for everyone to read until the end of chapter 16. I’m pleased you found the love and the levity. Thanks for your truly thoughtful and heartfelt comment. The time and effort in just writing the comment is huge without even reading our entire backstory. I want you to know that your efforts are noted and appreciated. Hopefully you will stick around and enjoy the rest of the ride. We have no idea where it (or even if) it will end. Kind Regards Sir

          • Darling, you may have dibs on being weird, but you’re not the only one :P What fun is normality? I am quite new to wordpress, to blogging and such in general, but I hope to learn quickly :3

            Sir, no please don’t feel guilty. I ADORED your letters. I wasn’t planning on reading the entire blog in one day, but I just didn’t have the will power to stop. I plan to stick around for the ride. I’ve been keeping up with your letters.

            I hope it doesn’t end, but if it must; I hope it’s on a good note! I wish nothing but the best for you both!

          • Aha Kayla!

            Your name change threw me. Sorry about that. Welcome back.

            No worries, I embrace my weirdness. For being new, you’ve managed just fine it seems. Good on you :)

            We’re glad you’re riding with us. It certainly is an emotional roller coaster.

            You’re hoping The Sir Letters won’t end? There are no immediate (or near distant) plans to make that happen. We’ve just found each other again, and we realize that our lives are richer for it.

            ~Darling

          • Yeah, sorry about the name change. I would like to be a little more anonymous, and my name being on here kind of unsettled me. You can keep calling me by my name, of course. Haha.

            I’m glad you’ve found each other again. I can’t wait to keep reading :3

  24. silentdugood says:

    to cute, there are some real M’s out there. People did not come to my house when I was a child because they were afraid of my Dad. he is my M. I can’t wait to call him that.

    • Hi Silent,

      I’m not sure whether to laugh or offer my condolences about your Maisy Father. Okay I admit I laughed, especially when you said you were going to call him Maisy.
      Read him “Crazy Neighbor!” I dare you. Haha.

      ~ Darling

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