Web of Fear

My Arachnophobic Darling

We have discussed some of your encounters with the local wildlife here in the land of Oz. Sadly you didn’t have much luck when it came to seeing our native fauna in their natural habitat. The initial plan was to take you to a wildlife park where you could see our animals in a more realistic setting. Time was our enemy so we settled on the zoo. It was by no means a poor second choice. Sydney’s Taronga Zoo is an amazing place. It is nestled in a truly spectacular setting. There is something quite surreal in seeing a giraffe in the flesh with the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge as the backdrop.

So we went to the zoo. We saw the cute koalas and the sea lions, the elephants, the tigers, the wombats; all the cool stuff. We did manage to see some of our wildlife in their natural habitat even at the zoo though. We have plenty of them, and they live almost anywhere. I am speaking no less than of our local spiders.


Now I don’t claim to know what type of spider it was. My memory and my entomological ability are just not good enough. Suffice it to say that spiders are nearly in every tree here. Many of them spin very cool webs. I just looked it up online and the last known death as a result of a spider bite in this country was in 1976. That doesn’t mean however that they don’t strike fear into the hearts of many of the visitors to these shores. If you leave them alone, they normally leave you alone. If you disturb their home they tend to get a little more agitated, no doubt you’d do the same.

What can I say? I pointed out an awesome looking spider’s web in the trees above us, and you spent the rest of the time at the zoo looking up. You surgically attached yourself to my side (I was not complaining), and if I’d known it would have such an effect then I would have shown them to you much earlier.

The wildlife was out to get you my Darling and I would be your saviour. Now there’s a job I could really sink my teeth into. It was you who spun the web my Darling and I the willing victim.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Valiant Sir,

I was so excited to go to Taronga Zoo with you. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Didn’t we ride ferry to the zoo?

I loved seeing the animals, and especially the wallaby (more on that later). I was disappointed in the kangaroos though. They were just lying around and not doing anything. I would have loved to have seen them in the wild. I enjoyed the koalas and I believe we even saw an echidna and Tasmania Devil.

I had read about the Australian Funnel Spider, and I had completely psyched myself out over them. I was on the lookout for them whenever we got into any lush places. I felt safe at the zoo until you nonchalantly pointed out all the webs in the trees. They weren’t little webs, my dear. They were massive webs that covered the whole tops of the trees, and I was picturing the giant spiders that created them. I was expecting one to plunge down out of the sky onto my head. I wondered if spider poop would drop out of the trees onto unsuspecting victims as well.

You kept telling me that I was going to get a sore neck if I didn’t look down once in a while. I just wanted to be prepared to whack a spider, and yes you did not complain that I super glued myself to your side yet again. We didn’t need a web to be attached to one another; it just felt right.

Frantically yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir


17 comments on “Web of Fear

  1. It would appear there are way too many creepy crawlies out there in nature, I’ll stick to indoor shopping 😀

  2. wingedprisms says:

    To Sir with love ……. I have to side with Darling on the looking up and being on watch. But know that even though she stuck to your side – don’t under estimate the “fear” of a woman when it comes to spiders and other crawlies – I am confident that if the occasion had risen that Darling would have slated the beast for you. 😀
    cate (ninja) b

    • Ha Cate! Love your comment. Moms especially become warriors when it comes to protecting their own.

      I may have been freaked by the thought of a giant spider landing on my head, but Sir screamed like a girl when I ACCIDENTALLY started to drive on the ‘right’ side of the road. Heh.

      Thanks for your support.

      ~ Darling

        • Heh. I am not kidding. I talked about it in our “Driving” letter. He described it as sphincter tightening. Uh huh. 😉

          ~ D

        • Hi Cate

          I am really not trying to fight the spider’s corner here but nearly all of them are harmless. The funnel webs of which Darling was so terrified don’t even live in trees, they live on the ground so she was looking totally in the wrong direction.

          As for her driving, well sometimes she gets confused between the “right” side of the road and the “correct” side of the road. She actually did a stellar job, driving a strange car, in a strange land with a strange man as her passenger.

          She is not lying when she said I freaked out when we were on the wrong side of the road. Its not often you drive in the opposite direction on a six lane interstate highway. “Bowel clenching” is possibly one of the nicer ways to describe it!


          • wingedprisms says:

            Hahaha. I like you guys! But I must say that “freaked out” is not exactly how she described you. Screamed like a girl. Sorry. You both brightened my day.

          • Pshaw Sir!

            Cate, I STARTED towards the right side of the highway, but I didn’t actually cruise my jolly way down it. Sir was there with a steady hand and guided me back to the left side of the road. Catastrophe diverted.

            We were on the phone as he read me your response. We both laughed.

            We had so many adventures, and we love to talk about them while cringing, laughing, and even crying. Thanks for adding to our good emotions.

            ~ Darling

          • wingedprisms says:

            You two are awesome!!

          • Sir,

            For some reason, i missed this post. Something wrong with the WordPress app I am using on my ipad ( yep, blame it on the world!)

            But I agree on your point about American women drivers. They swear, they swerve and they drive on the “wrong side” of the road all their lives that they do not know what is “right”.

            Hah, I made my first ever comment against an entire nation’s women and more importantly something not “for” Ms.Darling. I can already see a steaming hot reply coming through.


          • Wow BP. I don’t know what kind of American women you’re meeting, but you’re definitely hanging out in the wrong areas. Try church. 😀

            Sir likes me just the way I am. 😉
            ~ Darling

          • Ha ha ha. As always an approriate response Ms.Darling. I was just kidding.

            All generalizations are false. I believe that.

            Try Church…lol! Excellent rap on the knuckles.


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