The Wedding

My Darling

This will be a difficult letter to write and no doubt to read. I am going to tell you about my wedding. I have only been married once, and you and I both know I married the wrong woman.

I married the woman whom I abandoned you for. I knew before the day that I was making a mistake. For someone who is used to making decisions, decisive decisions, bold decisions, important decisions, I was like a rabbit in the headlights. I was inert. I was catatonic. I was frozen in fear.

It was April 2002, a little over three years since you had left these shores. The day was perfect. The morning was brisk and clear, as the hours passed the late morning witching hour arrived. The were no clouds in the sky. A faint breeze troubled the autumn leaves, and the guests milled in as I awaited my fate.

I worked the room like I was running for office, chatting to a family member here, laughing with an old friend there. Outwardly I was calm, confident, and very much in control. My wife to be? Well, as was her bent, she was late. I was not surprised; it fairly summed her up. I received a message that she was here and ready to proceed but, her sister was now detained. She was detained despite the fact that I had hired her family a cottage on the grounds of where we were to have our reception, no more than five kilometres from the site of the nuptials.

I had spoken to the guests, made light with the minister, joked with the bridal party and then a moment of silence descended upon me. There I was standing alone in the church, yet surrounded by people minutes away from signing the contract of marriage. I looked down the aisle and up at the stained glass window atop the eastern side the building, and in my moment of self reflection I thought of you. I knew it was you who should soon be by my side. I knew it was you who should be sharing my vows. Alas the moment was lost, my cowardice returned and it was on with the show.

We both know I went on to marry that woman. She proved my undoing in more ways than one. But as much as I would love to blame her, I cannot for it was at my own feet that the blame was to lay. I was the one who had forsaken you for her. I was the one who could not wait, and who did not communicate. It was and still is my cross to bear.

My life slowly unraveled from that point on. It was the moment that all hope was lost. The moment I lost my moral and ethical compass.  It was meant to be the happiest day of my life. It was the moment when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had truly lost you.

Regrettably Yours

From Sir With Love

——————————————————————————–

Dear Sir,

I am really struggling how to respond to this letter. I have so many mixed emotions running through my head right now. I know one of the things I wondered about all those years was whether or not you had married. I also questioned if you had children, how your parents were, and if you were happy. We mentioned and discussed these in earlier letters.

I am truly at a loss when it comes to your wedding day. It hurts like hell to know the place where you were married. It makes me realize that I was undoubtedly out of your life. I know you say I was not forgotten, but it doesn’t feel that way. There is no way I could have married in a place that meant so much to both of us – a place that reminded me strongly of you. I would have honored and treasured your memory, our memory.

That cottage you rented for your in-laws to stay in was our quaint cottage. I wonder which of your endearing in-laws slept in the bed we broke. (Of course the bed could have been a different one, or in the very least repaired.) How charming to think they slept in the bed where we made love, in the room where we made love, and bathed in the bathroom we shared. I don’t know what to say or think about all of this.

You were in total control of that day. You were in charge of your decisions. You made your choice. You could have walked away. You could have decided that you didn’t want to be with her. You could have found someone else – any one – with whom you could have been happy. As you stated on another blog of yours you dated many smart and beautiful women, were successful, and you married the woman you loved. Your actions tell me that I was a mere speck on your memory wall, and I have a hard time believing otherwise.

I expect the only thing left for me to say here is I am sorry. I am genuinely sorry that you did not find happiness in your decisions. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have joy. I am just so dreadfully sorry.

Forsakenly yours,

Darling

©2014 Darling and Sir

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20 comments on “The Wedding

  1. Harliqueen says:

    So beautifully written! My heart was breaking for them.

  2. melissaw01 says:

    Wow. Darling I felt the pain in every word.

    • It was very painful to hear about that day, and just as painful to write. I truly am at a loss when it comes to that day for Sir. I try to hold back my hurt, anger, and confusion and just sympathize with him, but it makes me feel torn.
      You’re very in tune.

      ~ Darling

      • melissaw01 says:

        It is a pain, a level, a depth that you only can understand after you felt it. There isn’t a word in our vast language that does it justice. But know, I completely understand where that comes from.

  3. It feels like a pins pricking directly on one’s heart. I play through the same emotions almost everyday, thinking about her wedding to be. But I do not wish to be little Sir and Ms.Darling’s thoughts here.

    It definitely is very sad that it happened. When all else failed, your love still prevailed. I thank God for that.

    To eternal love and happiness for Sir and Ms.Darling,
    BP

  4. veronica vasquez says:

    My heart breaks every time Sir’s betrayal comes up. I have lived through my own betrayal and I still don’t understand the WHYs or the HOWs. I just don’t get it.

    There is no other kind of pain that compares to the loss of fidelity from someone that pledged their undying love for you. THERE IS NO COMPARISON. Had my ex-husband put our marriage first and made an effort to reconcile with me, I would still be married to him. But he didn’t even try to win me back. He killed my love for him not once, but twice.

    There is hope for you both. Open your heart and let your love for each other shine through. Forgive and forget. Move on and love like you’ve never been hurt. We all want a happy ending to this love story. No, we DEMAND a HAPPY ENDING! DAMMIT, you BOTH deserve it!!

    • Hi Veronica

      I do not shirk from my mistakes Veronica, although they are somewhat confronting when you see them staring back at you on the page. There is nothing quite like trying to objectively edit a letter about your own skill at eviscerating the one you love the most to take you to the dark side of your soul.

      I hate the guy I was back then and shake my head in wonderment. I offer no excuse because there is nothing to offer. I apologise and try to help Darling work through her pain.

      We had not spoken for so many years. I say and write things now and they may trigger good memories or positively evil ones. All I can do is be there for her as she tries to deal with my parting gift to her.

      Do I want a happy ending? Like nothing else in this world. Do I deserve one? I really don’t think so. Will I get one? Only time will tell. Dare I hope?

      Regards
      Sir

      • veronica vasquez says:

        Sir, yes you deserve a happily ever after too. I can feel the love you have for Darling. If it takes a million I’m Sorrys, you are up to the task. The question remains, however, is what will it take to regain Darling’s trust? Only she can answer that. Are you worthy? Yes. Dare you hope for a Happily Ever After? You better! Hang on to hope and dreams as if your life depended on it. Because LOVE is worth fighting for and HOPE will keep it alive.

        VV

  5. Well this broke my heart a bit to read, obviously I need to go back and read the letters I missed. I wish you both happiness now though 🙂

  6. If I weren’t so numb, I’d have tears streaming down my face right now. One of the leaders of the church to which I belong once said, “When the young woman you love is kneeling at the altar to be married, be there. And not as a witness!” Oh, the heart, how much pain it must endure because of the head!

    • Oh Henry,

      I’m sorry that you felt numb. Usually I’d suggest reading some of our past letters to catch up, but there are a few in there that are dark – dark and very painful.

      Thanks for your words of wisdom. 🙂

      Cheers,
      ~ Darling

  7. Henry

    They are extremely powerful words you have chosen to share with us, thank you.

    Regards
    Sir

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