Fondly Known as BP

Dear Sir and Ms. Darling,

It makes me immensely happy to be a part of this journey called ‘The Sir Letters’ on WordPress. As you would be aware, I started following your blog from its nascent stages. I will quickly run through the usual accolades that people shower on you, as a show of respect, before I move on to why I love your blog. You two are masters of the written word (no, no and no I shall not accept any refusal from you on this one), you embody soul and spirit through your words, it is impossible to lose attention when one reads your posts and I mean everything I have said here.

There is nothing more pleasing than a good love story. I believe, we enrich our own love for our dear ones, as we relate to and appreciate another’s love. Your story has been extremely thought provoking, to put it mildly. Oft times, I’ve imagined being with you to spectate as I read through your vivid portrayal of love. I feel like the camera on ‘Big Brother’, the all-seeing-eye, but I just flatter myself with that thought as you deserve the credit for being able to present it in such a manner. I have felt the laughter, the smiles, the fear, the sadness, the pain, even the tea that Ms. Darling once made.

Like so many of your followers, I wished to share the same place, to experience the same kind of love, to love and to be loved unbound. Like all good stories, yours teaches many lessons. It has taught me how to love, how to respect, how to not make mistakes as well as how to be patient. Now you know why I find your writings endearing.

You have touched my life in ways I cannot express and I am not even alluding to my limitations with the English language. I just cannot explain, even if my diction improved a 100 fold. It is something I feel. I will end this passage with one of my all time favorite quotes; this should suffice to sum up what I wanted to say –

 The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, heard or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.  – Helen Keller

I do have a few questions for you. Some are for Sir, some are for Ms. Darling and some are for you both as a couple.

Sir,

I understand that you met Ms. Darling online and over time you decided to meet her in person. What was your expectation of Ms. Darling when you decided to meet? Did you intend to evaluate if she was someone you could live with for the rest of your life, or was it out of curiosity to see how far this goes or did you already make the decision that she was the one for you and you wanted to plan what came next?

It was close to eighteen months between first meeting my Darling online and seeing her in real life. I had very real expectations of who and what my Darling would be, she did not disappoint. There was certainly no intention of evaluating her as we had taken the last year and half to size each other up; meeting in the flesh was just the last hurdle. She was very much the one and by the end of her trip we were very much planning what was going to come next.

I have read about how heart-broken you were at losing contact with Ms. Darling. I have also read about how your marriage had failed and how you felt bad about what had happened. During this phase, were there moments when you wished to check on Ms. Darling? Yes it may sound selfish, if you were trying to look her up during your testing times. But at the same time did you have the feeling that she could be living a difficult life too and maybe you could lift her spirits in some way?

I didn’t wish to check on her, I did check on her. I found out about her education and an awful accident that befell a member of her family. I didn’t do this often but I had a misguided belief that I would be happy if I could live vicariously through my Darling’s happiness.

We all know what would be the one thing you would correct/change, if you could travel to the past. But I wish to know, how would you have done it?

I would have slipped an engagement ring on her finger right there and then. I would have stayed in contact with her regardless, and if we had lost contact I would have jumped on a plane and gone to find her.

Why Ms. Darling (Why not Ms. Darling, will not be accepted)? What traits in her attracted you and at what point, if it is something you can discern, did you feel that you had fallen in love with her?

She is smart, funny and quick witted. I admire those traits and she consistently displayed them over an extended period of time. She is kind, a good mother and is a good listener, and these are all excellent traits. In terms of knowing when I loved her, I couldn’t tell you a date. I can say it happened fairly quickly. We both fought it and I dare say tried to deny it, however we were over powered by the emotion.

Ms. Darling,

You are a resilient, self-made woman whose thoughts are well crafted      and actions are well reasoned. Returning to the past is not an option for any of us, but how do you see yourself 10 years from now?

I really can’t say how I see myself 10 years from now. I can barely look into next week. I don’t mean to disappoint you, but I am flummoxed how to answer this. I suppose I hopefully see myself a little wiser with some gray hairs to match (or shall I call them stress highlights?). I want to be kinder, more compassionate, and a lot more forgiving. As for the physical demographics, I really cannot say. It’s kind of weird to think about.

When a close friend asks you about your story, do you open up and tell them all that happened, how you had felt and had been through? Do words roll out eventually incriminating Sir or do you carefully chose your words so as to not create any impression about him?

I don’t think I’ve ever shared my whole story with anyone.  I have yet to even tell friends – or family for that matter – about The Sir Letters in specific detail. I have mentioned that I’m writing again, and I may have even referred to the format in which I am writing but I have not told anyone the actual site. I am not one to boast of my writing. I know I have told people in general about Sir and that we’ve reconnected. My sister knows about Sir, and she’s talked with him.

With the exception of one person who knows the summarized version about my time with Sir, I have never shared in full living details about being with him. I think it was too special to me at the time, and I wanted to savor it and keep it to myself. To be honest, after Sir said goodbye I think I felt too foolish and hurt to share. I just buried it. I think the only place I’ve ever said harsh words about Sir has been in these letters, and even those were difficult. I don’t like the thought of anyone judging him or his actions.

Why Sir (Why not Sir, will not be accepted)? What traits in him attracted you and at what point, if it is you can discern it, did you feel that you have fallen in love with him?

If memory serves, I knew I loved Sir before I met him, but it was a love based on mutual intellect, shared laughter, and trust. It was a bit surreal. It was cemented when I met him in person. The moment that it truly sunk in, was the first night I was in Australia. I was so wired from the long flight, and Sir was incredibly patient. I wrote about how he was standing in his living room watching me. I stopped in front of him and looked into his eyes. They were glowing. Then he smiled at me. I’m surprised I didn’t hit the floor right then and there. I just thought, “I love this man.” His good traits are many. He gets my jokes and my weirdness. He just gets me. He can finish my sentences. He doesn’t flinch when I’m emotional. He’ll just say, “Wow” when I do something totally foolish or uncharacteristic of me. He is incredibly compassionate. When I saw him with his parents, he was so tender-hearted and kind. I remember thinking that any man who treats his parents with such love and respect is a keeper.

Sir and Ms. Darling,

When you started writing this blog, what was your purpose? Did you intend to write, to remind yourselves and journal the whole journey, or did you intend to open up to the world and see what others thought about this whole story?

The blog was very much Darling’s idea. When she told me about it I just asked for the right of reply. There are two sides to every story but I knew my Darling would need to work through the issues of our past (she still does). I personally felt it would be better if I were there to listen and where possible help. Who knows, I may be wrong.

I started this blog so Sir would always know how I feel about him hence “The Sir Letters.” It may sound macabre but, I wanted my feelings documented in case anything ever happened to me he’d have a permanent record. I actually contemplated writing letters the old-fashioned way (long hand with pen and paper), but I am very much a technology lover. I had a few letters written before I got up the courage to show Sir. When I did show him, he didn’t even hesitate; he asked if he could respond. And here we are.

Now that there is a small community of faithful followers, do you find yourselves approaching, reacting or writing differently?

At the risk of sounding conceited these are very much letters between the two of us. Sometime we probably write things that we may find a little hard to say out loud. While I know we have readers, I make no conscious decision to write for our audience. We often have a number of letters in draft form. We often discuss which ones should be posted in what order and so we try to mix it up so it is not all of the same tone all the time. But in terms of the content I would tell anyone to treat it like the off button on a TV remote control. If you don’t like what you’re reading, switch it off.

I concur with Sir. I have never even considered changing the way I write to him just because we decided to go public with our letters. That just wouldn’t be right. The only time we switched modus operandi was when we invited guest correspondents.

The letters have so far focused on the past. If I am right, there was only one letter that was set in the present. Would we have more letters on what is happening in your lives today?

I would agree that many letters focus on the past, but out of the 110 or so post that we have up quite a large number of them reference our current circumstances.  The old school teacher in me feels the need to set some homework and ask you to read through some letters again.

Tsk tsk BP.  Quite a fair few are impromptu letters written on spur of the moment on whatever I was thinking about right then.

That is all I have to ask, for now. I could ask so much more but, I shall stop. I thank you for giving me this opportunity to write on your blog. I thought of a portmanteau for your names – D’Sire. If you like it, I shall use it to address you on my comments in the future.

I wish you eternal happiness and peace. I hope the last letter we read on this blog ends, “Sir and Ms. Darling were once again together and they lived happily ever after….”

Good luck and Godspeed

BP (Walking With Her Forever)

Thank you for your letter BP. While you may not have been with us and The Sir Letters in its inception, you were pretty darn close. It’s out of characteristic and odd when I don’t see a comment from you. I guess I just expect them now.    ~ Darling

© 2014 Darling and Sir

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Cupitonians

To Darling and Sir,

It fills me with awe sometimes to watch your experiences come alive on screen. You are both incredible writers, but more than that, all of your heart and soul are in these little tiny black characters and I believe that it takes a whole lot of strength to let yourselves be vulnerable like that. It’s part of why I have followed you and read every single one of your posts – these words are the strings that are attached to two very real people in a world where everything is virtual. Your blog is filled with feelings and emotions and so much love, it’s hard not to imagine it as a living breathing thing.

Being a blogger myself and also someone in a long distance relationship, I have a couple of questions, some more serious than the others. How do you communicate, now that these “emails” are public? Do you talk on the phone, do you Skype, do you text a lot? What is your preferred mode of communication? Have you managed to see each other yet? If you have, how was that experience after all those years of not being in each other’s lives actively?

Do you consider yourselves to be in a full-fledged relationship – I know your hearts are forever entwined, but I mean more than that. Do you see other people or have you decided that this is it for now?

On a lighter note, how in the world do you understand Sir now that he’s well and away with the pixies? Do you have to crack a tinnie every time he’s romancing you with the weird language they speak in Oz land? Sir, what are some of the “cultural” differences you’ve faced? Do you make a lot of Duck Dynasty jokes?

I think I might have gone overboard, not giving room to the other lucky people who have been chosen for this privilege so I will cease and desist. Just know that I’m invested in the both you for good!

Big hugs,

C.

Cupitonian’s Site

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Hey Cupi

Let me start by saying great letter and thanks for playing.

You have shared some extremely kind words when it comes to our ability to write. I humbly thank you for that. It must be said however that your own eloquence is exquisite, so I am in a little awe to be described as such.

As for your communication questions, let me be frank. We try to speak on the phone twice a day, once early in Darling’s morning (but late in my night) and again late in Darling’s evening (but late afternoon for me). We do Skype a little but not a lot. We use Tango as the free call phone app, but we have also used Viber and Kakao. We message each other constantly throughout our days and our normal platform is WhatsApp, but when we are both in front of a pc we use HipChat. I quite like it as it lets you send photos, music and documents and you can seamlessly transition from phone to tablet to pc and even use all three at once should you so desire.

Sadly we have not managed to see one another yet again. Darling has an extremely busy life, so I don’t really think it’s an option for her right now. As for your relationship question the answer from me is “yes I do!”

I don’t find the cultural differences of which you speak too much of a bother. I know, just as it may have done for you, that American culture permeates my life. I watch American TV shows, I buy tickets to see American films and I eat in American fast food outlets so it is rare that a phrase or an action catches me unaware. There are things about America that I find somewhat disturbing. The social injustices that seem to be accepted and prevalent, the use of religion to justify quite cruel and unnecessary distress, the blatant hypocrisy of the political class, the culture of American exceptionalism along with the failure of the populace to recognise that they have lost much of what once made them uniquely American. That being said it is a country that I truly love. Winston Churchill I think summed it up best when he said:

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else..

I would use none of these things however to describe my Darling. They are broader observations and are essentially at the point of being meaningless generalisations which any competent person could easily pick apart.

Anyway Cupi, thanks for taking the time to write. I hope I have answered your questions to your satisfaction. Let’s hope we can have the ending I think we all are hoping for.

Warmest Regards

Sir

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Hi Cupi,

Thanks so much for your letter. Your beautiful thoughts touched me. While I feel Sir’s love for me through his letters, I think it’s great that you can also feel the depth of his emotions. He is an eloquent writer. What’s really poignant for me is when I read Sir’s letters I “hear” him – his voice. When he makes a joke, I laugh.

Sir and I are truly two very real people (to use your phrase). He has stated in a previous letter that when we lost contact he felt he had lost his best friend. I felt much the same way. I hesitated making our letters public because I was so protective of how I felt, but I was not and am not ashamed of my feelings for him. He is an easy person to love even when he’s being a pompous arse (ask him about THAT one).

If a lot of time passes without having contact with Sir in some small way, I feel anxious. He has said that it makes him “panicky.” I think it stems from being out of contact for so long. Sir mentioned in his response the apps we use to keep in contact. We will be writing a letter soon about the first time we “saw” each other again via live video feed. Sadly, it hasn’t been in person. I cannot answer when that will happen.

My relationship with Sir is totally real. He is a part of my life. It feels nice. It seems natural. In the short time that we’ve reconnected, he has been a listening ear, a support, a friend, and mentor. He has shown me unconditional love. He’s the whole package. I love him.

I am not sure how to answer your question, “Have you decided this is it for now?”  As I stated in my response to Cate’s letter, I DO feel that there is a reason that Sir is in my life now. I do not know that reason, but I feel there is a time and place for everything. Rushing into things never worked for me, so I am quite comfortable, for now, to take these as they come.

As for understanding Sir, well I can’t claim that I ever really understand him, but I grin, nod a lot, and say “uh huh.” I am not sure he’s fooled though. Nothing gets passed that confounded man. Culture differences have never been an issue with me.

Sincerely,

Darling

Cate B

Dear Darling and Sir,

First of all, I hope you are both well. I want you to know that I enjoy reading your letters and am feeling quite privileged to be a part of your relationship. Thank you for sharing.

But I do have one question. When will you two get together permanently? It troubles my imaginative mind that your romantic relationship, with all the normal ups and downs that all couples go through, is separated by such a vast distance geographically.

This is not good. I realize the logistics can be challenging. Who will give up family and culture and jobs to make the big plunge? It troubles me. Have I become too involved? I am for you both. I am for the Darling and Sir to become a family in every sense of the word (Sirling or Darsir). Is it too soon to answer this for me? Must I wait for all the letters to be posted?

I have now asked five questions.I wait with anticipation to know the outcome of The Sir Letters.

Patiently (sort of) yours,

Cate B
(Lets have Another Piece of Pie)

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Dear Cate

Before I even begin to answer your question I must first say thank you for taking the plunge and joining us in this little diversion for The Sir Letters. It’s truly great that some of our regular commenters are now becoming guest correspondents.

That is the big question that you ask Cate. When will Darling and I get together permanently? Life has gotten in the way, and we don’t know at this point. 

But let’s speculate and assume that it were to happen. In terms of who would give up what? Well I would. At the risk of making this story any sadder than it needs to be, I have no parents, no siblings, no spouse and no children. The only commitments I have are friends and a job, breaking those ties would be relatively easy.

You most certainly have not become too involved. You are an active part of our little community and you are not the first to ask such a question, similar references are scattered throughout our comments. I am fatalist while Darling is an optimist. I believe I already know the answer though, if truth be told, our story quite literally is still unfolding. This story will come to an end, certainly the blog part of it. Our final letter may still be quite unsatisfying though, because we may not have an answer (either way) but the story of our love will be told and all that may be left is an empty hole, with our lost time together our testimony.

As for giving the two us one name (Brangelina anyone?) I am somewhat horrified and quietly flattered all in the same breath. I fear your anticipation may remain however, but thank you Cate for taking the time to write.

With Warmest Regards

Sir

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Hi Cate,

I agree with Sir in that you asked the difficult question.

Sir is correct in saying that I am an optimist. I do not believe that we found each other again by chance. I trust that most everything happens in life for a reason, but I don’t have answers yet.

I wasn’t even fully aware of what my feelings for Sir were when I first contacted him. I knew I cared. I knew I hurt. I knew that my genuine concern for his welfare overpowered my hurt. I know that he has dealt with the knowledge and feelings better than I have. Although I don’t voice it as often as I used to (to Sir), but this whole thing is still a head trip for me. I truly never thought I’d ever have contact with him again.

I’ll be honest here Cate, I deleted some of Sir’s response to you, because reading it physically hurt me.

And while I find Sir’s gallantry endearing in saying he’ll give up his world to come to me, that would most certainly not be set in stone. I prefer to think we’d be a dual-country couple.

What I can say with assuredness is that I love Sir, and my life is richer and fuller with him in it. I see Sir the way I have always seen him, and he is just beginning to understand that.

A big heartfelt thanks to you Cate for being our first correspondence. It is an honor to know you.

My best,

Darling