The Wallaby Whisperer

My Mesmerising Darling

Your encounters with our wildlife at the zoo were not just confined to our freaky spider webs. You saw some of our other native animals as well.

We went to the koala feeding and got there right at the very end. I remember the keeper being incredibly short with us and me having trouble controlling my caustic tongue. The koalas were a bit of a disappointment (as they often are). They were just sitting in the tree munching on their eucalyptus leaves, essentially just being a far prettier version of a three toed sloth.  

We saw the kangaroos. They weren’t looking in the least bit majestic. They were just laying around instead of being in full stride bounding across the open plains, and they were dozing under the shade of some far off trees. We went to the wombat enclosure, but as they are nocturnal creatures I think we saw a furry butt and that was about it.

You did have some luck with a wallaby though. Obviously the wallaby in question was pretty tame. He was just hoping around. Many of the sightseers were really excited to see him. They tried to pet him. They tried to feed him and then they tried to take photographs of him. He ignored them all. Who did he head to? Well you know the answer. He became your best friend. You picked up some fallen leaves and quite literally you had him eating out of the palm of your hand.

Taronga Zoo

So there you are in all your American glory wearing my baseball cap, tormenting the tourists, and feeding our wildlife.

The wallaby is not the only creature you have eating out of the palm of your hand. You know I do also.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Dear Native Sir,

The best part of the zoo, my beloved, was spending the day with you. I just want that clear.

The koalas were cute, and they acted like they knew it as they looked at us from their lofty perch. Isn’t that the Australian way? (I’m smirking here.) I had forgotten how the zoo employee wasn’t very pleasant. That understandably doesn’t sit well with you.

I remember many tourists and zoo goers couldn’t get the wallabies to come near them for a picture. We watched the confusion for a few moments, and then I reached down and logically grabbed some of the same leaves that the wallabies were eating. The others weren’t using the correct leaves. I thought it was funny.

One brave wallaby decided he liked what I was presenting him as a peace offering. Just behind me and out of the picture were many camera wielding people snapping photographs to their heart’s content.

When the wallaby and I were done making each other’s acquaintances, I glanced up at you. You were standing there smiling at me. You had such a look of serenity on your features; that look is ingrained in my memory.

Calmly yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir


My What A Lovely Blue Tongue

My Wild Darling

You may remember my Darling. We went on a little walk through the hills when we visited the Jenolan Caves. The air was brisk and even though you had been a little ill you soon had quite the jaunty step going on.

You rushed ahead in a teasing and playful manner, then something truly hysterical happened. You came upon some native fauna. It was not a fearsome Red Kangaroo, they can stand over six feet tall when the need arises.

Red Kangaroo

Nor was it one of the multitude of venomous snakes like the Red Bellied Black Snake that are abundant throughout our land and can kill you with one bite.


It wasn’t even a goanna which is basically a giant lizard that would run away rather than stand and fight.


It was a Blue Tongue Lizard. They grow to a maximum of 24 inches, this one would have been lucky to be 15. Their primary defence mechanism is to stick out their blue tongue to frighten away predators, something you should relate to. If you catch one by the tail they will often shed it and regrow a new one allowing them to escape.

Blue Tongue Lizard

You ran back to me like greased lightning, petrified by the beast that confronted you. I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. I had one as a pet when I was a child. Of all the lethal Australian wildlife you could encounter this one doesn’t even come close. There are hundreds of lethal snakes and spiders and insects that can hospitalise you. Sharks and crocodiles that would quite literally eat you. There are even reports of giant gropers eating men. The ferocious beast that turned you to water? It was the mighty Blue Tongued Lizard.

My beautiful, gorgeous, precious Darling. Sadly you went swimming in the territorial waters of the most dangerous creature in Australia, me. I will protect you from all the dangerous wildlife in my country. Most especially I will protect you from me.

I love you.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Dear Mirthful Sir,

While we were on our nature hike, I was searching for a kookaburra in the trees. There was a specific bird that we saw, but I don’t recall the name of it. You also said I might spot a kangaroo. I heard a scuttling sound to my left, and some creature from the black lagoon type dragon stuck out its cobalt tongue and hissed at me. My first thought was with a tongue that color it had to be poisonous. Yes I high-tailed it back to you pronto. I ran like Hades himself was after me. I figured you’d sacrifice yourself so one of us would survive.

I couldn’t figure out why you were hysterically laughing with death at our door. I was partially correct; I thought you’d laugh yourself to an early demise. It took you quite a few panicked moments (the panic was on my part) to explain that we would live to see another day.

Suffice it to say that I didn’t venture out ahead of you on my own any more. You held tightly to my hand after that death defying incident. While I know you liked to think of yourself as my brave protector, the constant spurts of amusement were a dead (pun intended) give-a-way that something was amiss. I was too freaked to worry about being the cause of such fits of laughter. I was happy to oblige your funny bone if it meant that you’d hold onto my hand from that point on.

It saddens me to think that you feel I need protection from you. And while I was joking above, I do know that you would sacrifice yourself for me. That’s what unconditional love is all about. I know you would never hurt me now. That will do.

I love you too sweetheart. I always will.

Tamely yours,


©2014  Darling and Sir