Package from America

My Sartorial Darling

You were very kind to me all those years ago and sent me a package. I of course was thrilled. We hadn’t yet met but I knew it to be more than just a token of your love.

I remember it arriving. I had to wait several days before I could attend the post office to collect it. The collection card sat like a siren on my desk, calling me. I could not yet answer. I had to wait. Have I mentioned I don’t like waiting? This from the guy who has waited 15 years for you to find me again.

Now the package had a number of mementos contained within. You sent me an Eric Cartman shot glass mentioned in an earlier letter. You sent me some Altoids, to feed my ever growing addiction and you sent me a jacket. I have touched on it briefly before, but that jacket tormented me so. I’ll say it again, cringing as I do, it just didn’t fit.

I know you already know this. That being said I feel it is deserving of amelioration. Your motives for sending it were pure. We had spoken at length about my wardrobe and how I wore a suit to work every day. You asked me about my casual attire, and I fear you found it much too conservative for your tastes. I told you I owned a tweed jacket, a blue single breasted sports coat and a blue double breasted blazer. You asked me about more casual jackets to which I sheepishly replied that in that category I owned nada.

You had your mission. A casual coat/jacket was required and you no doubt set out to right this grievous wrong. I envisage that you garnered my measurements through some subterfuge carefully woven into our daily conversation. You then set about finding me said garment. It arrived smothered in love. I tried it on and alas it was a snug fit. Sadly it was also not quite lengthy enough for my somewhat elongated frame. I was vexed.

I left it out on my bed and came back and tried it on again; this time taking the time to examine myself in the mirror. There was no way this was going to work. I put it on a hanger and placed it in my wardrobe. Over the next few days and weeks I tried it on repeatedly, sadly all to no avail. It was not going to fit any better regardless of my repeated attempts to model it.

I finally gave up and lied to you about its suitability. I felt terrible doing it, but I would have felt worse allowing you to think you had expended all your energies and your hard earned money on this endeavour.

I still don’t own a casual jacket, but I have forsworn the blue double breasted blazer. I looked too much like some tin pot Admiral who thought he was Lord of the High Seas. I think it is time I invested in more casual outerwear. You should come over and we’ll go shopping.

Stylistically Yours

From Sir With Love


My Dear Fabricating Sir,

The only thing I remember about the jacket was the color – blue. Oh, that and I went without sustenance for a week in order to purchase it for you.  Of course I am kidding, but it made me giggle. I do remember I was excited to send it to you.

I am certain I did not realize how tall or broad shouldered you were when I bought it for you. Plus I think there is a major difference between Australian and American sizes. Looking back the jacket would have been more suitable for a smaller, shorter man; that’s the risk I took in buying clothes for someone I had not yet seen in person.

I laughed at the image of you returning numerous times to try on the jacket in hopes that it had magically expanded in length and width to fit. I am sorry it was a source of exasperation for you.

I do recall asking you about the jacket when I was with you. You hated to confess your crimes of fashion to me. You didn’t want to hurt my feelings. That was sweet. I was devastated that it didn’t fit you though. I learned my lesson; hence the shirt that I sent you for Christmas fit you perfectly.

I believe you told me that you gave it to the Goodwill or someplace like that. I don’t think you knew the art of re-gifting back then.

Honestly yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir


Special Delivery

Dear Sir,

You sent us a package! Oh how I remember getting that package addressed to me in your self-labeled “spindly” writing. I was so excited to open the box and see the kind things you sent.

You sent postcards of your beautiful city. I recall how you numbered them in the order you wrote a rambling narrative on the backs. You made fun of your penmanship. I loved it. It was proof of you. I drank in your words. They were very friendly as you explained what was in the package.

You sent Australian Olympic stickers and other Olympic things (the Sydney Olympics were coming soon). You sent my kids Australian music CDs. We enjoyed listening to them over and over. You also sent a couple of computer games. You just recently remembered the name of one of the games: The Secret of Monkey Island. I used the games as a motivation and reward system for my two small children. What a considerate man you were to send such fun things for them.

This parcel, albeit small, was a big deal to me. You cared and it showed in the thoughtful details in one package. Good things indeed come in small packages. All that was missing was the bow. And you.




My Darling

I did send a package. It gave me great pleasure to make a small part of my life merge with yours. I sadly don’t remember the postcards. But I certainly did and still have a fairly untidy hand and I would most definitely have mocked it.

I remember the CD’s and the game. I had two copies of that game I recall. It was that damn hard I could not even complete it myself. I think I may have Googled the outcome. Actually back then I would have used Alta Vista, whatever happened to them? I of course didn’t know it when I sent them. I would have warned you. I would have hated that your son may beat me at a game (only joking). What would have really bothered me was that it may have been too hard for him. Who wants to play some difficult game that you can’t finish? But quite rightly your kids were the centre of you world. It seemed only natural to include them in our lives. I wanted them to be happy and for you to be happy.

I don’t even remember the size of the package. But I know I would have given it careful consideration. It would not have been thrown together at the last moment. I am a little humbled that you still think of it so fondly. I would have mailed myself right along with it if I could.

There was the package you sent me. But I’ll save that for another post.


You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Dear Sir,

I neglected to say that you also sent me some very special music that you had chosen specifically for me.  I certainly didn’t mean to gloss over that fact.

I recently found that music. I had hidden it, because it hurt to see it much less listen to it. It has been unearthed and you have also been so kind as to upload every one of those songs digitally for me now.

Thank you again my considerate Sir.



©2013 Darling and Sir