In The Land of Oz

Darling wrote this reminiscing poem a few months before finding and making contact with Sir again. Writing is her way of healing and expressing her innermost feelings. Darling had forgotten, blocked, and disassociated many of her memories and emotions concerning Sir and their time together. With Sir’s help, many have returned.


We met in beautiful Sydney
And you showed me around
We rented a car and drove for miles
Through villages and towns

We hiked and stayed in Jenolan
Strolled through Taronga Zoo
Held hands around the Opera House
Ate at Sydney Tower for the view

We met the Major of Cessnock
Tasted the Hunter Valley wines
Visited your parents in Newcastle
Stopped in Blackheath and dined

We bought trinkets at The Rocks
Ordered oysters at Watson’s Bay
Had drinks at the Marble Bar
Then danced the night away

Saw Barry Humphries at the theatre
Went to The Bourbon and Beefsteak too
Laughed and cried in Darling Harbour
Where I fell harder for you

You tried to teach me Snooker
Played the piano and sang for me
I had a go at rhyming slang
And fed a Koala bear eucalyptus leaves

Snapped my picture with The Three Sisters
Enjoyed the Blue Mountains air
Was startled by a Kookaburra
We shared a love that was quite rare

The memories are many
Branded in my heart
This was a new beginning
A new life – a fresh start

I was your first proposal
But life has no guarantees
Sadly the goodbye was final
And we were never meant to be

By Darling ©2014 TSL


The Prick of the Voodoo

My Virtual Darling

When we first met in the public chatroom there were a number of other regulars in the room as well. There was “School Marm” from Michigan, “JJ Anyway” from Florida, “Huggsy Bear” from who knows where and of course there was “Track Mamma” from Texas.

We were quite the little community and as we got to know one another many of us met in real life. It was a lot easier for you guys who were at least on the same continent and in the same country, but even those who couldn’t meet still found ways to connect. We exchanged gifts, spoke on the phone and populated one another’s lives in various ways.

It will seem a little narcissistic to say but Track Mamma had quite a little crush on me. She would be flirtatious and send me private messages. Her gifts were of a personal nature and I must be honest here, she absolutely loathed you. It was not because you had offended her, it was because she knew that you and I had a special relationship and she was insanely jealous.

She sent me a plethora of gifts: Homemade shortbread, ornaments and trinkets from her home along with other knick knacks and curios. There is however the one thing she sent me that I still laugh out loud about to this day. She sent me an Apple Pie.

Let’s not forget, she lived in Texas, I lived in Sydney, Sydney Australia which is almost 14,000 kilometres away. How did she ship that pie you may ask? Well it was not refrigerated in any way. Track Mamma told me it would be just fine and that it would not require any special attention. “I put it in the freezer for two days” was her reply to my incredulity regarding her shipping and handling plans. I did not bang on about it. She had hand made me a pie and had shipped it to me in Australia. I would not hurt her feelings by telling her there was no chance that it would arrive in a fit state to consume.

I remember its delivery quite vividly. I happened to be standing by my letterbox when it arrived. It was covered in customs and quarantine information. There were stickers all over it stating what they had done to the package to make it fit for distribution in Australia. It had clearly been opened and resealed (quite badly I might add) to check its content.

So a good two weeks or more after it left the continental United States my apple pie from Track Mamma arrived. It had been quarantined, irradiated, inspected, ripped opened and resealed. There was a puddle of pastry and apple at the bottom of a clip lock plastic bag. There was nothing I could do except place it in the rubbish.

So thank you Track Mamma. I feel a little cruel laughing at your misfortune and I would have no doubt enjoyed consuming your apple pie. If it’s any consolation I think of you still if perhaps not in the most flattering manner.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Dear Magnetic Sir,

Ahh yes, the chatroom we met in holds so many weird and scary memories. I haven’t thought of those chatters in years. I suppose I consider myself fortunate that I was able to remove myself from the chatroom scene relatively unscathed in a modest amount of time. I heard later that chatrooms became horrid places akin to cess pools. I shan’t complain too much though, because it’s where I met you dear Sir.

In all honesty, no one cared where Huggsy Bear was from. She was a little punch drunk when she typed her infamous line of “I have a scottle of botch.”  School Marm was decent, but JJ was a pervert. Funguy was, well a fun guy. I met him and Jay and Stephanie in real life down in Georgia. I still keep in touch with Stephanie.

To say that Track Mamma loathed me is putting it mildly. She didn’t speak to me for quite some time, and when she finally did it was only the briefest of greetings done begrudgingly because of you. I remember informing you of this, and I don’t think you quite believed me at first. I came into the room under an assumed name while Miss TM was happily chatting away with you like a magpie. When I left and entered with my regular name, she clammed up tighter than a drum. Case in point, I think she was dismayed that her chicken bones dance and Voodoo Darling Doll wasn’t working. She didn’t want to incur the wrath of Sir by being unkind to me, so she would grunt or nod my way in a gesture of social competence.  And let’s face it my love, Track Mamma hadn’t ran a track since grade school. I have blotted out the one and only picture of her from my memory in self preservation.

Sir, you know as well as I do that there were many female hearts a fluttering in that chatroom when you appeared on the scene. I heard the grinding of numerous fingernails of women who wouldn’t have thought twice of scratching my eyes out and skewering me in hopes of removing me from the picture in order to catch your golden eye. I am touched that the eye of Sauron  Sir gazed so fondly my way. Your charisma and charm was huge and they all knew it.

As for the apple pie debacle sweetheart, nothing says love like botulism.

Infectiously yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir

Web of Fear

My Arachnophobic Darling

We have discussed some of your encounters with the local wildlife here in the land of Oz. Sadly you didn’t have much luck when it came to seeing our native fauna in their natural habitat. The initial plan was to take you to a wildlife park where you could see our animals in a more realistic setting. Time was our enemy so we settled on the zoo. It was by no means a poor second choice. Sydney’s Taronga Zoo is an amazing place. It is nestled in a truly spectacular setting. There is something quite surreal in seeing a giraffe in the flesh with the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge as the backdrop.

So we went to the zoo. We saw the cute koalas and the sea lions, the elephants, the tigers, the wombats; all the cool stuff. We did manage to see some of our wildlife in their natural habitat even at the zoo though. We have plenty of them, and they live almost anywhere. I am speaking no less than of our local spiders.


Now I don’t claim to know what type of spider it was. My memory and my entomological ability are just not good enough. Suffice it to say that spiders are nearly in every tree here. Many of them spin very cool webs. I just looked it up online and the last known death as a result of a spider bite in this country was in 1976. That doesn’t mean however that they don’t strike fear into the hearts of many of the visitors to these shores. If you leave them alone, they normally leave you alone. If you disturb their home they tend to get a little more agitated, no doubt you’d do the same.

What can I say? I pointed out an awesome looking spider’s web in the trees above us, and you spent the rest of the time at the zoo looking up. You surgically attached yourself to my side (I was not complaining), and if I’d known it would have such an effect then I would have shown them to you much earlier.

The wildlife was out to get you my Darling and I would be your saviour. Now there’s a job I could really sink my teeth into. It was you who spun the web my Darling and I the willing victim.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Valiant Sir,

I was so excited to go to Taronga Zoo with you. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Didn’t we ride ferry to the zoo?

I loved seeing the animals, and especially the wallaby (more on that later). I was disappointed in the kangaroos though. They were just lying around and not doing anything. I would have loved to have seen them in the wild. I enjoyed the koalas and I believe we even saw an echidna and Tasmania Devil.

I had read about the Australian Funnel Spider, and I had completely psyched myself out over them. I was on the lookout for them whenever we got into any lush places. I felt safe at the zoo until you nonchalantly pointed out all the webs in the trees. They weren’t little webs, my dear. They were massive webs that covered the whole tops of the trees, and I was picturing the giant spiders that created them. I was expecting one to plunge down out of the sky onto my head. I wondered if spider poop would drop out of the trees onto unsuspecting victims as well.

You kept telling me that I was going to get a sore neck if I didn’t look down once in a while. I just wanted to be prepared to whack a spider, and yes you did not complain that I super glued myself to your side yet again. We didn’t need a web to be attached to one another; it just felt right.

Frantically yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir

I Know Why

My Dear Love – Sir,

I sent you this song a while back. The song hurt my heart with its beautiful, haunting words and melody. I knew I had to send it to you if you. I wondered if you had heard it before; you informed me you hadn’t.

I closed my eyes, listened to the words of this song, and I let myself remember us – how we were before it all turned upside down. This poignant song makes me ache for you.

There is one thing I do know though; I know why I love you. I just do, because you’re you – you’re my Sir. As the song says, I was afraid of loving you again, but the truth is I never stopped. You have my heart. Please keep it safe.

Shawn Colvin – I Don’t Know Why

Always yours,


My Loving Darling

You amaze me with the music you pick. Some if it has very quickly made its way it in to my repertoire.  I feel this will be another.

I didn’t really connect with it much the first time you sent it. Let me say that has now changed. I love this song.

It is overwhelming to hear that you love me still and that you feel you never stopped. I know I always carried a torch for you. It is earth shattering to me that I can tell you it now. I never thought I would again have the chance.

As for your heart, well it is safe. I am not prone to making the same mistake twice, especially one of this enormity. I love you my Darling with all my heart.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

©2014 Darling and Sir


My Sultry Sir,

I’m not sure if you knew this back then, but I love animated children’s movies. Recently I told you that I saw the movie “Frozen.” I loved it.

During the movie, the main character sang a song titled “Let It Go.” I felt it pull me in. I was enchanted. I was mesmerized, and I became weepy. The song touched me, and I felt the words resonate deeply within me on a personal level. The song could have been my mantra for parts of my life during the past 14 years.

Upon returning home, I immediately searched and downloaded the song. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played it. I connect with it.

Your heat is getting to me, Sir, and you make me melt.

Defrostingly yours,



My Animated Darling

You still have the power to surprise me (if I may use a tautology when I exclaim – “but that shouldn’t surprise me?”) This is the first time I can recall you discussing your affinity with children’s animated films.

I am not familiar with the film and have only recently become acquainted with the song. The composers have pedigree, with one having been involved in two Tony Award winning productions. On my first hearing I felt it sounded like Kate Bush meets Tori Amos meets an old fashioned Broadway musical. I can see why you were drawn to it. Not only is it a powerful song in its own right but the character as originally conceived was a “baddie,” then was gradually re written to become the heroine.

You humble me when you say I make you melt. It still surprises me to hear after my past transgressions. I still shake my head in wonderment at my own actions. Not only how you found me again but how you have forgiven me.  Let it go indeed.

My Warm Hearted Darling

From Sir With Love

©2014 Darling and Sir


The lyrics differ a bit between the songs. While I love Demi’s cover of the song, I think I prefer the movie performance better with the added lyrics.

Disney’s Version performed by Idina Menzel. Link to lyrics.

Demi Lovato’s performance of “Let It Go.” Link to lyrics.

Taint Nick

My Desirable Darling

We have spoken quite candidly about my dalliances with the opposite sex. You took enormous pleasure dissecting it in nauseating detail when you visited these shores. I could never accuse you of the same thing, your behaviour has always been unimpeachable. That being said there have been quite a few men in your life who have fallen for you, fallen for you hard. Some of these men I’d known about and some have been more recent. There is one man in particular (and I so hope that you’re cringing right now, just not too much) who I find both appalling and offensive. That being said without him you may have never found me, so for that I owe him my undying gratitude. His motives were far from pure but regardless his attempts to manipulate the process were for nought and you are I are together once more, even if it is only a cyber together.

So let me begin his character assassination. He is a minor league English DJ who has a great face for radio. You sent me a lovely picture of him in a giant purple onesie, and it haunts me to this day. You know I want to share it just because something that funny should not be kept to oneself.  In the past he has treated you in the most despicable manner and even threatened innocent members of your family. He has done things that have negatively impacted your job. He has tried to manipulate you and lied to you by omission. When you have appeared on his radio show (improving it immeasurably I might add), he has humiliated you and disrespected you all while trying to be a complete control freak and telling untruths about you. This was all done in the interest of making him appear to be superior. In my opinion he is so low he would need a parachute to exit a snakes belly.

He is clearly madly in love with you, and for that I can’t fault him. However, you have made it entirely clear to him that you don’t see him as a prospective suitor, but that has not stopped him from behaving in a petulant, juvenile and puerile manner. The fact that he is married with children (one of whom is a newborn) seems to be irrelevant to him. When you crushed his amorous desires he staged a mini mid life crisis, bleached his hair then posted pictures of himself with his depressed face on hoping to garner some sympathy. Quite frankly he is pathetic. I know you have forgiven him for his past actions. You are however a better person than I.

I know that the children in your charge benefit from your relationship with him. I also know that you enjoy your time on air with him. I don’t feel in the least bit threatened by him. I just hate the way he treats you. I know you have run rings him around and have swatted him like an over zealous mosquito on more than one occasion. That being said when he described you as being “tainted” because of your relationship with me that was when I decided I could tolerate this imbecile no more. I would not give him the steam off my piss on a cold winter’s morning.

I have often said you can’t help who you fall in love with and I suppose the reverse is also true; you can’t help who falls in love with you. But any guy who describes you as tainted is both a clown and a fool. With a name like Nick I can only assume that his father thought of it when he cut himself shaving. I can only conclude by saying that him having a name synonymous with a gash could not have been more apt.

Taintingly Yours

From Sir With Love


My Sweet Piqued Sir,

I just love you. This topic does make me cringe, but since you feel so inclined I will go along with you.

It is true. My British friend encouraged me to find you again to get closure. He pushed and persuaded me for months. I felt so vulnerable. I was scared because I truly thought you’d never want to hear from me again. He knows how I wrestled with the notion of contacting you. Maybe I disclosed too much to him, but it’s a moot point now.

He had his own agenda, of course. He wanted to be the one who found and contacted you; he said it was to protect me. Obviously he was not the one who found you. He was infuriated to hear that not only did I find you myself, but I also got in touch with you and we started communicating.

I was startled to discover his loathing of you. It seemed so silly. I was astonished to learn that it began over 14 years ago. I met him right after you and I ended. He heard firsthand of my hurt and pain. As you know he hasn’t been very kind in his words and attitude towards you. He hated you, because he was jealous. That surprised me. His exact words are, “He gave up what I want.” He’s said more, but it’s not important.

Things ended badly 14 years ago with him, but not because he and I were an item. It was due to his behavior. When I confronted him about it, he exploded and threatened members of my family. That was a huge no-no. You of course know the story. While I’m not proud of what I did in retaliation, it served a purpose. He paid the price for a couple of years. I can be quite ruthless when pressed. I know that comes as a surprise considering how shy and demure I am (haha). I don’t like the hypocrisy in his thinking that it’s okay for me to forgive him but not you. Lame I know.

He and I also had a stretch when we were not in contact with each other. When he first made an effort to get in touch with me again, it was with a very apologetic email asking for forgiveness. When I met him he was on his first marriage. He was on his second marriage at the time he reconnected with me, and now he is on his third; I will not be number four. I naturally forgave him, but we didn’t become friendly for years. We were acquaintances who emailed once or twice a year.

I have my boundaries set. I am not some territory for him to piss around to try and mark or a possession to be owned. He knows not to cross them, or there will be consequences. I honestly think it was more of a silent contest with you. He is in some weird alpha-male competition with you. Odd I know, but that’s how I see it. He has told me that you were his biggest fear – whatever that means. My favorite thing is when he told me that because you and I had been lovers, I am now tainted. Yeah that was endearing. I am proud to be tainted, Sir. Damn proud.

Bewilderingly yours,


©2014 Darling and Sir

Touchy Feely

My Dear Sir,

Do you remember how often my hands would stray to your hair? I couldn’t help myself. I loved running my fingers through it. I was always waiting for you to tell me that I did it too much; you never did though. You never complained once.

Many times while you were playing the piano for me, I would get up and stand behind you at the bench. I would massage your shoulders and neck. My fingers played with your hair. I rubbed your ears. I loved touching you. I was constantly doing it. You’d lean your head back against my shoulder and close your eyes while playing. That’s when I’d kiss your forehead and face.

My hand would wander to the back of your neck while in the car as well. It was very calming to me to touch you while driving during a long, barren stretch of road. As you stated in “Driving” your hand was always on my knee. I think we found comfort in touching each other.

There were also the few times my hand found its way to your hair during dinner if we were sitting next to each other as opposed to across the table. You’d always take my hand in yours after a while and start to kiss it while staring into my eyes. Good grief Mr. Sir you would make me melt. I can still feel your lips on my fingertips.

It’s a wonder we ever left our rooms, but I suppose we needed to eat once in a while. Oh, and get some fresh air. I wasn’t worried about the exercise though; we got plenty of that.

Lovingly and touchingly yours always,



My Tactile Darling

I do remember how much you touched me. It was a thrill every time. From that first hug at the airport, to holding your hand in the cab on the way home to our first kiss in my home later that evening. Oh how we touched.

When I played the piano? Well I am not sure how I restrained myself and if truth be told on more than one occasion I clearly did not. Your hand in my hair was the most devilish distraction. How could I hope to play?

My hand on your leg whilst driving? I could not forget that. I remember the first time I did it you exclaimed that you may not be able to concentrate. I didn’t move it an inch. It remained firmly in place for our entire time together. Your hand running through my hair as we drove; well I remember that as well. Its a wonder we even made it out my driveway.

I think what I loved best though about touching you in public (I trust you note the distinction I have made here) was holding your hand and staring into your eyes. I was like a man drowning in a sea of ecstasy.

I long to touch you again; to hold you, smell you, taste you and love you. 

I can still feel you now.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

©2013 Darling and Sir

©2013 Darling and Sir

Rueful Eve

Dear Sorrowful Sir,

On this recent Christmas Eve (early your Christmas morning), I fell apart on you while we were talking on the phone. A bit of old hurt cropped up and spewed forth due to something you were saying.  You were discussing your marriage. You had stated how bad the last couple of years of your marriage had been but specifically how your last year was really awful.  I questioned if any of it had been good. You responded that the first year you two were together you had been very physically intimate; in other words, you two had sex a lot. A. Lot.  I felt like you had slapped me.

I compared my first year after you, and that’s where we completely differed. I wasn’t physically intimate with anyone as I struggled to trust and feel again. I remarked that I guess that’s the difference between men and women. I shut down; you fucked around (pardon my language). I guess to a man a lot of sex makes something good.

I can’t even remember the first Christmas after you. You told me about yours in detail.

I am ashamed of this letter.

Remorsefully yours,



My Dear Upset Darling

What a Christmas phone call that was. We’ve discussed many things upon reconnecting, included in that has been a reasonably thorough dissection of my marriage.  I know you don’t take pleasure from my misery but you have asked the hard questions and I have tried to provide accurate answers.

Firstly I do remember that first Christmas without you. I remember meeting my future mother in law for the first time. She back handed me on the stomach and told me I could afford to lose a little of that. I vividly recall my barbed response and how it set the tone of our relationship (in good news however it showed her son in law and her future daughter in law that she could be stood up to and put in her place when she decided to be controlling and rude.) I also remember the awful gifts I received (a pair of boxer shorts with some other guy’s name on them and a cheap bottle of souvenir port that was clearly being re gifted.) These were both courtesy of my future mother in law as well. She hadn’t met me until that day but she had already decided that she wasn’t going to like me.

I am truly sorry that I took away your Christmas memories. That was never my intent and was clearly a by-product of my despicable behaviour.

In terms of the amount of sex I had with my ex wife I should point out that it was at your behest that I tried to quantify it. I didn’t gloat, I didn’t dwell on it and I certainly didn’t take any pleasure in telling you as I knew there would be hurt. I was however not going to lie to you about it. I have told you when we’ve talked and quite possibly elsewhere in this blog that I tried to turn her into you. It doesn’t bear repeating but that was an abject failure, doomed from the start. Yes I slept with her and no doubt at the relationship’s beginning we fornicated to our heart’s content. I did not however sleep around. I went from having one partner, you, to another partner, her. What galls me though is that you shut down and that I denied you the right to seek pleasure for yourself. Again my Darling I am truly sorry.

I don’t think these words will grant you any comfort but nor will I try to hide behind a veil of half truths or lies of omission. We did have a fabulous Christmas phone call later in the day and also again on your Christmas Day therefore I hope you can draw pleasure from those.

You have no need of remorse.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

©2013 Darling and Sir

Renting A Car

My Right Sided Darling

We have already referred to the entertainments you provided on our roads (Driving). What we haven’t mentioned was how we actually hired that car in the first place.

In readiness for your big arrival I had investigated car rental companies. You and I had discussed hiring a car and you had confidently asserted that you would have no trouble driving on the wrong side of the road. I think you scoffed and basically told me you were looking forward breaking every traffic law as you understood them from your North American perspective.

Well I tracked down a suitable rental agency on the outskirts of the city. Bayswater Car Rentals was the company’s name. I had booked in advance and we sallied forth first by train and then by taxi to Bayswater Road, Kings Cross, New South Wales. Now I hope my Darling that you see the similarities here – Bayswater Road and Bayswater Car Rentals. Now I had hired a car from these people before and they were located where their name suggests. So there we were in the back of a cab ready to pick up our vehicle. We drove three full lengths of Bayswater Road looking for the premises but to no avail; they were no longer located there. I was getting more than a little agitated. You just held my hand and smiled and, my anger abated.

We jumped out of the cab near a public phone box. Remember the days prior to having a search engine on your smart phone? If you needed to find a location, you would find the nearest public telephone booth, hope it still contained a directory and trust that the directory still had the necessary page so you could find what you were looking for. We did all this and attended the premises to pick up our rental car. The rental was refused.

I, as you no doubt remember, didn’t have a license at that time. It was however my credit card that we would be securing the vehicle with. Even though I had explained this over the phone at the time of booking (and they authorized it then),  we were told in person that it was not acceptable, and that they would not be able to rent us a car. I went ballistic. I am not normally one quick to anger, but when I do lose my cool it is probably best to be in another postcode.

As you may know Darling when angered two things happen. Firstly there will be the calm before the storm, then the volcano will erupt. I listened patiently to the clerk’s futile attempts to deal with the issue. I then asked to speak to a more senior person within the organisation to vent my spleen, sadly to no avail. What tipped me over the edge however was when the staff member I spoke to interrupted, admitted they had spoken to me on the phone, agreed that I had explained our situation, and that they had stated we could hire a car. I was then blown off in the most flippant of manners as if the fact that we had travelled 40 minutes by train and by cab to pick up the car was some small trifle (along with the fact that we had confirmed hotel bookings that required a car for us to attend).

It was at this point that my temper went thermo nuclear. Friends will tell you that they can gauge my anger by the verbosity and complexity of my language. The angrier I get the higher the level of comprehension skills required by the listener.  I was so irate and indignant it would have required the services of several ivy league English departments to translate my displeasure. Suffice it to say we left sans car. Throughout it all you held my hand and just smiled.

When it was over my heart was racing, and I was ready to go round two with whomever tried to get in my way. You leaned up and kissed me on the cheek, still smiling the entire time. You washed all my anger away with your kiss. It was then, not that I really harboured any doubt, that I realised you must be the one. No one, and I mean no one, could make my hostility subside in such a way.

Well we hired a car from another agency about ten minutes from my door. We reorganised the hotel bookings and went on to have the most magical two weeks of my life.

I loved you then as I love you now, absolutely.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


My Dear Understandably Frustrated Sir,

I had forgotten about this incident until you asked me about it, then it all came back with clarity. I found the second-rate car rental place left much to be desired. I distinctly remembered how unprofessional they were, and their customer service was non-existent.

I realized that you were a man of organization. You were very thorough. To have arranged the car rental well ahead of time, explained the circumstances, given authorization prior to going to the business, then to have been denied in person for really no reason was ludicrous. You were reasonably upset. I didn’t blame you. There was no supervisor readily available to talk to. You were dealing with inept and amateurish idiots. Being in the corporate business yourself, you couldn’t fathom a company being run the way they ran theirs. Your expectations were high, because that is what you were used to. You radiated authority, and they were intimidated. They were clearly out of their league when it came to you.

I didn’t give a rip about the employees, but I cared about you. I couldn’t fix the problem. I just didn’t want you to be upset for the rest of the day.

I do recall kissing your cheek, and you looking down at me smiling in response. I saw you visibly relax. You squeezed my hand. It was then we both knew that, no matter the outcome, things would be alright as long as we were together.

You found another car rental place, and we were able to lease that adorable white, Toyota Seca which became the bane of my existence (haha). As for breaking all the driving laws in Australia – I just regret not breaking one, my love; the one where we tested how far back those seats could recline.


Impishly yours,


©2013 Darling and Sir


Toyota Seca

First Day

My Exhausted Darling

After your quite restless, jet lagged and noise disturbed first night we then had our first day together. You had nowhere near enough sleep and I feared you may fall apart but you wanted to embrace this new world and embrace it we did.

Transport was the first issue. We were heading for the city so we jumped a bus at the end of my street then hopped a train to Circular Quay, maybe 45 minutes in total. You were excited by the bus. I laughed. That bus was a chore, a right royal pain in the rear end, but you were enchanted. Then on to the train, which was almost empty. It took us right where we needed to be. You seemed pretty impressed by that as well.

I watched you like a hawk, waiting for you to fall apart under the strain of jet lag and insufficient sleep.  Plus I just liked watching you. I wasn’t entirely satisfied you were real. I thought maybe you were an apparition and that I would wake up and be stuck in Yahoo chat with everyone laughing at me.

We took a quick stroll around the harbour foreshore. It was a beautifully cloudless autumn day, a slight breeze was in the air and the love of my life was by my side. You were ready for lunch so we grabbed a table at a cafe right on the harbour and proceeded to order. It was funny. A quite young girl was serving us. She came up and introduced herself. She had an American accent. It was clearly fake. I was laughing.

Youngsters here in Australia have often attempted to try and sound a little more sophisticated by adopting a North American accent. I cringed; I was desperately hoping you wouldn’t notice. What would you think of us in this cultural backwater? I mean how embarrassing? I had to tell you though.  Man it was so bad.

I have no idea what we ate. I know we had planned to stroll through “The Rocks,” a historical tourist precinct. You didn’t make it. A wall of exhaustion descended on you. I hailed a cab and we motored home.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love


Sir My Love,

I remember waking quite early (before the sun was up) despite my lack of sleep. I felt energized and ready to take on the day. How utterly young and naïve was I? You were game. You jumped out of bed and said, “Let’s do it.” You catered to my every whim, though I suspect you knew what would happen to me later that day. You didn’t complain; you just planned on taking care of me. You were so perfect.

Yes, I was so excited to take a bus and train as I was not used to public transportation. You just smiled, held my hand, and led me on this new adventure. I was like a kid in a candy shop. As I stated in “Driving,” my recent journey to Japan and their public transportation system wasn’t a novel approach to me because of my experience in Sydney with you.

I remember walking around the harbor and the little café where we dined. We watched the ferries come and go. I had forgotten about the waitress until you reminded me. I wasn’t paying particular attention to her (as you were the object of my interest), but I do remember she was hovering over me and around me. I couldn’t figure out why until you pointed out her fake accent. We laughed, and I thought she was very weird after that. Now I’m beginning to wonder which one of us that waitress was trying to impress (I’m raising my eyebrow here).

And my love, Sydney is anything but a cultural backwater place. It’s a thriving, diverse metropolis that came second to you. You were my Sydney man, and we both know how educated and intelligent you are.

I recall walking around with you after lunch when I felt my knees buckle and the world tipped. I had run out of steam. I felt dizzy and a bit nauseous.  You didn’t even hesitate in responding. You hailed a cab, tucked me in the backseat, and let me rest my head on your shoulder as we headed home. I didn’t have a worry in the world; you were in charge. You enveloped me and made me feel special.

Thank you for being a wonderful example of a true gentleman by taking care of me and making me feel like a lady.

Contentedly yours,


©2013 Darling and Sir