Seven Simple Strategies From The Sir Letters

Darling and Sir want to share an easy, painless approach to maintaining a loving relationship.

 

1. You put me first, I put you first and neither one of us has to be second.

2. Laugh. We laugh a lot. We find laughter to be infectiously healthy.

3. Be quick to say I’m sorry. Be quick to forgive.

4. Sometimes I’m right and you’re less right, but we’re both right for each other.

5. It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

6. Pay attention and listen. We love hearing about each other’s day. We share our highs and lows.

7. Love – unconditionally. There are no bells and whistles. Just love.

 

It’s the simple things.

 

Love,
Darling and Sir

 

©2014 Darling and Sir

Unquestionable

To hear Darling and Sir read their letters please click on the greetings.

Play SymbolMy Dearest Sir,

I am not a perfect woman, but I perfectly love you.

I have no problem being the first one to admit that I’m wrong. I will freely apologize. I will instantly forgive you – which doesn’t mean I won’t get angry or hurt, but I will forgive and get over it in time (the quicker the better). I will support you in all you do and say. I will worry and fret over you.

I accept your opinions even when they disagree with mine; consequently, I will cherish our differences.

I will never take for granted our friendship. Loving someone is easy; liking them is harder. I have a whole lot of like for you. And, my unequaled Sir, I trust you.

I will love you forever.

Irrefutably yours,

Darling

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Play Symbol

My Dearest Darling

No one in this life is perfect, particularly not me. How boring life would be if we were.

I make plenty of mistakes my love, and I will continue to do so. I am human after all. Sadly some of those mistakes will be at your expense, our expense. For that I am truly sorry.

Yes we have our differences. I don’t mean arguments but our outlooks on life. I have no desire to change you or to expect any modification in your behaviour. I am happy to accept you for who ever you are.

You are right, love is easy in comparison to friendship. You can’t control love but you can certainly work on a friendship. The thing that I hated the most when I lost you (and there were many I hated ) was that I no longer had my best friend. One of the first things I noticed when you re established contact was how easily we slipped back into that pattern of sharing confidences on just about everything. I had my best friend back. That alone was worth a bank full of bullion.

But there was also trust, much trust. I feel unworthy knowing I betrayed it. There is the same trust again now. It astounds me. I won’t betray it again.

Loving You Unequivocally

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

©2013 Darling and Sir

First Night Part 1

My Dear Loveable Sir,

I’m not even sure how I can write this letter with a straight face, so I won’t fight it. I’m grinning like a Cheshire cat remembering that first night.

My internal body clock was telling me it was time to be up and moving, yet it was night time outside. What I put you through! I had taken a hot shower to wash the away the travelling feeling and to try to relax. You graciously saw me to bed and made sure I had everything I needed. Then you retired to your room to give me privacy and to try to sleep yourself. I was clean and in my pajamas and wide awake!

I am not sure how long I laid there just thinking; you know how my brain doesn’t like to shut down at night. I contemplated where I was and who I was with, and I was still processing it all. I was in Sir’s house, and Sir was in the other room! We had hugged and kissed. I was giddy beyond belief to be certain. I was the princess and pea was across the hallway.

I know I eventually drifted off to sleep, but it felt like I had just barely closed my eyes when the strangest noise awoke me. It wasn’t just because I was in a strange house where I wasn’t used to its sounds; this noise was freaky and a bit scary. After waiting what seemed like ages, I heard it again. I wasn’t sure what I should do. I decided to bite the bullet and go wake the sleeping giant in his lair.

I crossed the hall and softly called your name from the doorway (which you left open so you could hear me in case I needed you). You immediately arose and came to me asking what was wrong. I told you about the noise. You followed me into your spare room and sat with me on the bed. We waited. And we waited. And waited some more. The noise never happened again at least not that night (we figured out what it was another night and that is a story in itself). I am sure you thought I was imagining things at that point, but you were too much of a gentleman to say it out loud. I was feeling a bit foolish by this time anyway.

You decided to lie next to me in my bed and talk to me to soothe my frazzled nerves. I wish I could say that it was all a clever ruse to get you in my bed (ha), but that wasn’t the case at all. You worried and fretted over me. I felt completely protected.

This night is very memorable in more ways than one, and you Sir know why. It was a new chapter of us.

Fervidly yours,

Darling

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My Jet Lagged Darling

I remember that first night vividly. As you know there are multiple reasons for that, many of which will never grace these pages.

Yes you were standing in my home. My American sweetheart, jet lagged, emotionally charged and incredibly beautiful was here with me. I was a happy man.

You had showered and readied yourself for bed. I knew you were wired, but you clearly needed sleep. I had made up the spare room for you. While I wanted nothing more than to never spend a moment apart from you, I wanted you to feel safe and secure and not be worried by any unwanted demands of your host. You needed a safe place to call your own.

That damn noise, I can’t believe it. If I had known that was all it would take to drive me into your arms, I would have ensured it started a heck of a lot earlier. I am laughing out loud here, because I now know the cause. But at the time I was as perplexed as you were.

Yes I did lay next to you on your bed. It seems like such a contrivance reading it now. I was totally innocent I swear. That first night together, it is seared in my memory. Lying next to you in that darkened room was amazing. I was experiencing a tactile overload. You were mine to touch, kiss, stroke and hold. I could smell you. I could gaze lovingly into your eyes. There is no need to draw a diagram about what logically happened next. Suffice it to say that you never needed to sleep in my spare room again, and you never did.

You were in Australia, in my house and by my side. The next chapter in our incredible journey had well and truly begun.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

©2013 Darling and Sir

Shattered

Dear Sir,

When I first met you, I was not in a good place.  My safety net had torn. I didn’t know who I was any more. I was hurting and struggling in every aspect of my life.

I was grieving very deeply over the loss of a close family member. My head and heart were still dealing with that as well as some atrocities that happened to another innocent person in my life. What was once strong was crumbling and tumbling down around my head.  I was barely hanging on.  The only time I felt unburdened was when I could escape to chat and forget for a short time. I’ll admit it wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but it was a brief reprieve before returning to my painful reality.

I found you. I began to trust you, and little by little I shared my life with you. Granted I shared it in bits and pieces as to not overwhelm you. I suppose I was testing you in a way; consequently, I wanted to know what you could handle. I was waiting for you to run the other way. You never did though. You stood strong.

I confided in you some very raw parts of me about my past and my present. Neither of them painted a pretty picture. At the risk of sounding macabre, most people couldn’t imagine my trials much less go through them. I didn’t act or consider myself a victim even though I felt so alone. I had family, yes, but at that time they were part of the problem. I didn’t generally confide in people, but I found such an empathetic, listening ear in you – a partner. My cup runneth over and you willingly shared my burdens.

Then at the pinnacle of our relationship the stability, I thought I found in you, was taken suddenly from me. It was taken by the very person who lifted me up – you. I figured my burdens were too heavy for you to handle, and you bolted. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. I felt foolish. I had been abandoned and discarded with very little value.

I broke. I was nothing. I wanted to believe that you didn’t deserve me, but I didn’t really believe it. You obviously wanted someone better. Why in the hell did you throw me away? Throw us away? Throw it all away?

I found a modicum of strength to survive for two little ones that deserved better than I could give, because I couldn’t admit defeat. Not to them.

In writing this, I feel so much pent up and forgotten resentment and anger.  It’s an unfocused emotion that, if left unrestrained, has the potential to send me into a downward spiral. I won’t go there.

How could I have been so wrong about us? How could you?

Painfully yours,

Darling

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My Dear Darling

 

How awful it must have been for you to pen those words. I remember your raw, brittle pain all too well from that time as you tried to come to terms with your terrible loss. I know there are some dark moments to come but before we go there I must say your distress seemed obvious to me. Yes you put on a brave face, but to begin with I was truly perplexed that no else in our room seemed to notice or care. My heart reached out to you. I did nothing more than offer you my ear and my time. Both of which I would give gladly and unthinkingly again.

It is interesting to hear you choose the word “testing.” It never felt like a test but I know you were incredibly wary about letting your guard down. I think the test was for both of us, me to see if I would cut and run and you to see if you could even speak of the matters that troubled your soul. I just let you patiently find your own way and that really was what you needed. All I ever did was offer a ready ear and some words of encouragement. I know you broached then discussed at length some incredibly intense and hurtful subjects. It is not my way to judge someone by their words alone, actions I find to be a far better indicator of a person’s strengths and weaknesses. That means very little of course as you were the recipient (I chose not to use the word victim out of respect for your inner strength) and not the perpetrator. Hence when in our future when my own actions fell so far short as to be reprehensible, I had no choice but to find my own self wanting, very wanting.

Yes you are right our relationship was stable. It was also loving, honest, trusting and respectful. I threw away all of those things. Yes I bolted, but it was not from you. My Darling in my eyes you were and still are perfection in a partner. I have no intentions of listing those perfections because that would be just puerile. We fitted so beautifully together, comedically, emotionally, intellectually, physically and even spiritually. That was the perfection. As you say I bolted, but from what I bolted was never you; it could never be you. I bolted from my own shortcomings, my own failings, my own inadequacies. I was not worthy to be part of your life.  After I had betrayed your trust and cheated with another I knew I was woefully unsuitable to be your life partner. I would never be the man you thought I was. You deserved so much better than me and you deserved nothing of what I did to you, to us.

To hear you say that I broke you, claws at my heart. I thought I left in a way that would assure you that I alone would assume all the blame. To hear you describe yourself as having “very little value” is a body blow to me and just makes me feel far more wretched than I already do. I can say unequivocally that “throwing you away,” as you so painfully describe it, was the single worst decision I have ever made in my life. A life I might add where I went on to make a number of particularly poor decisions in the years to come.

I have attempted to explain my mindset when I ended us in that awful letter I emailed you. The words are woefully inadequate. I will reread that painful document and see if it is fit for publication here. The crux though is true. It is not an excuse nor for that matter even close to an acceptable explanation. You had gone temporarily from my life, for reasons upon which we had both agreed. I thought I was strong enough to deal with the silence. I was manifestly wrong on that front. Not only could I not deal with the silence but I had lost the one person who would have helped me through it. I needed to pick up the phone and call you. You would have put salve on my worries, I would have felt your love, and you would have calmed my inner demons. I was too proud, too stupid and too arrogant. Then when I could no longer cope I did what I did. You were never wrong my Darling. It was I who made the most grievous error.

 

You Will Always Be My Darling (though I no longer have the right to say it)

 From Sir (a man who has fallen so far below the level required to hold such a lofty title), on bended knee, begging your forgiveness for the wrongs he has done you. However unworthy he may be he is still very much in love with you.

©2013 Darling and Sir

Change of Identity

My Darling

Reminiscing about our time together in that chat room all those years ago has brought many memories flooding back. It seems a little trite after your poetic utterances but there is one incident in particular that stands out in my mind. It was the day we swapped identities.

I may need to go “full geek” here a bit to explain what really happened. My darling you were always lightning fast; your brain and your fingers seemed to operate on a plane above we mere mortals. I couldn’t actually admit it to myself at the time, but you were actually quicker on the draw. I would console myself with the fact that you were in America and closer to the servers, and your ping was faster. I would make excuses that here in far away Australia I only had a 33.6k dial up modem whereas you had the superior 56k variety.  To the younger generation this will mean naught, but to those of us who grew up listening to the sounds of those modems as they made that hideous “connecting to the internet sound” they will know the significance of those numbers. 

That sound! I hear it now. Occasionally there will be an old film or TV show that has it in the background. It plays and I am instantly transported back to you. It was the sound that trumpeted your arrival, our connection. In reality it was shrill and coarse, but to me it was the soundtrack of my love for you. How strange that sounds and later smells should trigger such vivid memories of you. But I digress. 

As I have already said, you were a dynamo, totally unstoppable. I would just sit and bask in your brilliance and wit. To the rest of the room though, when we went at it and let go with our full arsenal of caustic comments, the ironic one liners, the caustic barbs, the devastating put downs, well they would just go a little quiet. They were in awe. You and I, we were having the time of our cyber lives. They would see some acerbic comment and think a killer blow had been landed. They waited for one us to wilt under the strain. It may be my rose coloured memory but I don’t ever recall feeling hurt or even slighted by one thing you ever said. I would just throw my head back and laugh. Then I’d keep a mental tally knowing that an opportunity would present itself and I would exact my revenge. 

So, let’s be a little hedonistic here, we were brilliant together. Then at some point, and I’m not sure who was initially responsible, we decided to switch identities. The fact that we would happily exchange our passwords, even when viewed through the prism of a simpler time, still shows how much I both trusted and loved you. So we were in our chat room. You were me, and I was you. And so it began. We knew each other so well that we could mimic each other’s “internet voice” for want of a better description. I cringe to say it because it reveals a vain shortcoming of my own but you even replicated one of my regular typos. You typed “loose” instead of “lose” and any variation of those two words. I hated that you knew me so well (not really) but I loved the agility of your mind and the fact that you so thoroughly took on my chat room persona and inhabited it so completely. We then set about flirting with ourselves. The narcissism didn’t strike me at the time but goodness knows what a competent psychologist would make of our behaviour. I know I used to make jokes about being so arrogant that I would cry out my own name at the moment of climax while making love. I think this may have been the chat room equivalent. 

Anyway we did this on only a few occasions and when that field was fallow we moved on to greener pastures. I am not sure why this memory has surfaced now but it makes me so damn happy to remember you at the top of your game, though I fear for my own sake that you still may very well be at the pinnacle. It seems strange that such an act of self indulgence be such a fond memory. It just showed you in all your magnificent glory and revealed, if only to me, how truly brilliant you were and still are. I was completely head over heels in love with by this time. This just cemented in my mind how truly remarkable our connection was, and dare I say still is. I love you my darling. Words cannot express what it is like to have you back in my life. To find myself reliving our past in a blog should be a little disconcerting, however it is not. I have no need to interrogate why I feel the way I do about you, but by putting these thoughts down in writing it has crystallised my emotions and confirmed them on yet another level.

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

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My Dear Sir,

What connivers we were! I had forgotten all about our switching identities scheme. I had studied your online character intensely, and I have no doubt that I felt rather confident in impersonating you; consequently, I would never be so presumptuous and bold now. I had even forgotten your ‘lose – loose’ mix-ups. That made me smile. I loved you for your minute, human errors. I found them to be on the adorable side for such a strong person. I even found it rather endearing that I made a better online man than you made a woman purely for the reason that your masculinity was so prominent. Your charisma is as astounding today as it was back then. Some things never change.

If memory serves me (and I admit you have the stronger independent recollection here), I do think I remarked and teased you about all the private messages I received while pretending to be you. You had many female admirers. They all wanted to rub shoulders with my Sir. I couldn’t fault them for wanting the very thing I did.

I trusted you implicitly with my name, and I know that trust was reciprocated. I would never have abused your faith in me. Your name had a reputation of being a gentleman, and I had to uphold it no matter how tempting it was to tell your female fans to get lost. You are correct that we never hurt one another intentionally with our verbal sparring. It was exhilarating and entertaining. If you even thought for a second that you had hurt my feelings, you would instantly apologize. Again, proof that you were (and are) a true gentleman.

I think this memory of yours (and mine) held a much higher purpose because it answered the question – could we trust each other? I think we both passed with flying colors.

Fondly,

Darling

 

©2013 Darling and Sir

Audio Recall

Dearest Sir,

Some of our earliest phone conversations are crystallized in my memories.  These conversations were puzzle pieces that fell neatly into a much bigger picture. I came to cherish them, and I looked forward to each and every one. We burned up the lines with our reciprocated feelings.

Firstly, I remember your voice. It became familiar to me as my own. As a bonus, I recollect your laughter even more. It has been enshrined in my memory all these years. I loved hearing you. I  yearned to hear you. I wanted to make you laugh, because in turn the sound made me laugh; your laugh was very infectious. It was a heady medicine to my soul.

Another memory that stands out among the rest may seem trite, but for some reason it is ingrained into the deep recesses of my mind. I was on the phone with you and I walked into my kitchen. I was wearing heeled boots and you could hear the echo of my footsteps across the kitchen floor. You paused and said with somewhat incredulity, “I can hear you walking.”  You seemed shocked by this revelation. I laughed and made some silly comment like, “Yes I can walk” then did a little impromptu tap dance loud enough for you to hear as well, which made you chuckle in your endearing way. You remarked that hearing me walk made me seem more tangible to you. It touched my heart, which is why I remember this incident so vividly.

Another lasting memory was when I called you up one day crying because a ring of mine went missing, and all evidence seemed to indicate that a neighbor girl had stolen it. Nothing else mattered to you (the significance of the ring, the girl, etc.) except that I was distressed. You didn’t think me foolish crying over a ring. It was the first time you called me baby.  Through my tears I remember mentioning that fact to you. You responded in kind that it just seemed natural to call me that lovely word. It warmed me through and through. (The ring was later found under the washing machine. Catastrophe averted.)

These memories may seem silly to some, but they hold a spot in my heart, and I’ve remembered them for what they stood for – love.  I thank you for them.

Most candidly,

Darling

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My Darling

Oh how I remember our phone calls. You call them puzzle pieces I call them exclamation marks! I planned my day around them. I very quickly knew your schedule and how we could successfully interlock our multi hour time differences. You were a young mother and I was a fresh faced starlet in my newly chosen field. We were worlds apart, not only literally but in our world views. It baffles me still but we found common ground, our differences so apparent. But oh how we cared about one another. You were the centre of my world. My days were planned around when I would see you online and even better when I heard your smiling voice.

You always did love my voice, and I loved that you loved it. But while I had only seen you in your pictures, I could still picture your animated face. I could tell when I vexed you, when you expressed mock indignation at some outrageous comment of mine, I knew how you laughed, how you teased, and dare I say how you flirted. Your voice, the sound of your life even, became a vivid connection between us. It happens still; I know the bark of your dog, the sound of your children, the laugh and the babbling of your niece. I don’t remember my comments on your footfalls, but it all rings so true. Yes I would have heard that sound and connected it with you and your life, and by god I know you would have tap danced!

I remember the loss of your ring though. And yes, you are right, the significance of the ring and the alleged thief meant very little to me. What distressed me were your tears and my inability to comfort you in any physical way. I don’t remember calling you “baby,” not on that particular occasion anyway; as you say, it would have just been a natural instinct to do so. I do however know I call you baby still, it is just…..right.

It is quite euphoric to see you talk about this some 16 years after it all happened. That you still think of that time (and me) in such a fond and cherished way amazes me still. You are right it was love and it still very much is. Thank you for reawakening the memories but also for allowing me to no longer suppress my over powering emotions. I love you now like I loved you then, with all my heart.

You Are Still My Darling

From Sir With Love

 

©2013 Darling and Sir