Insecurities

My Dear Sir,

I’ve worked hard, and I’ve accomplished many goals throughout my life. I feel completely confident in myself. I’ve earned degrees and awards that are held in high esteem in certain academic circles. I’ve carved out a satisfied niche for myself, but I’ve paid the price for it. That being said, I have just come to realize and recognize something that I need to face. I feel insecure with you, and it’s not a comfortable place to be.

Realistically I understand why I feel this way, but it’s bothering me. I hate that I feel this way. I am almost reluctant to express these emotions. It’s like I have a pebble in my shoe and no matter what I do, I can’t find the source.

I can promise you that I will do everything I can to get over this feeling. It’s vital that I do. I am sorry for yet another flaw in my character.

Tenderly,

Darling

————————————————————————————

My Dear Troubled Darling

It pains me greatly to be talking about this. In the fourteen plus years since we last spoke you have done truly astounding things and have much to be proud of. I am a little sad that I was not there to witness your ascent to the summit of those dizzy heights, but I can assure you that it did not surprise me at all to learn of your achievements. Those lofty peaks are where you rightly belong.

To hear you say you feel insecure; well I both understand and I am a little perplexed. I understand because you can only measure me by my actions, which we both know have been far from acceptable. Where I become a little perplexed is that you were the one who reached out to me. I yearned to speak to you again, but I felt I had no right; I was without courage. In the brief time we have been reacquainted, our feelings have become overwhelming and while I cannot deny or hide from my past your insecurity confounds a little.

The pebble in your shoe? I think I know its cause. The last time we spoke, and I mean in 1999, it was me informing you that I had moved on and was with another woman, one whom I went on to disastrously marry. I had no feelings for her previous to this but I know my actions spoke volumes. There are various women in my life now, all of whom I now know platonically and in some cases professionally. There is one with whom I have had a relationship, another who is desperately seeking a relationship and another sending quite mixed messages on the subject. One is married and another in a serious relationship, both institutions you know I respect. The one I did date, well what can I say but we were a failure as a couple. Another is quite a bit younger than me, plus I have received some fairly direct and at other times rather ambiguous texts from these women.  I have relayed all of this to you because that’s the nature of our relationship. I tell you everything. 

It didn’t dawn on me when you first told me about your insecurity that this might be the cause. Sadly though from your perspective I can see that it would be a powerful trigger. Here I am in another country, there are women who may or may not be expressing an interest in me, I have denied any intent but all of your old memories come flooding back.

I am not to going to ply you with empty words but I will say two things to you. Firstly you know I am in a position to literally drop everything and be with you in a day. We have both agreed that I will not do that for reasons which will not be divulged. If however you change your mind, just send me a signal and I am there. I will purchase an open ended ticket right now and await your consent.

Secondly, while I know you understand the work I have put in to establish these professional arrangements, I will end them tomorrow with no questions asked if that will assuage your fears.

I stupidly gave you up last time for quite inexcusable reasons. I will not make the same mistake twice.

With Quiet Determination

From Sir With Love

P.S. Yes I would like you to get over this feeling but in no way known is your character flawed.

©2013 Darling and Sir

4 comments on “Insecurities

  1. Ms. Darling and Dear Sir..the sky will clear soon…

  2. Darling and Sir,
    you may or may not know this but what I have come to realise is, when you love someone, you become vulnerable because you open up to them. You guys have had many ups and down and sure, your past was colourful to say the least. It’s not so easy to forget the past, leaving insecurities. But the two of you love each other beyond all means and that is the reason that I believe you’ll be secure in each other, regardless.

    Sincerely,
    -Megs

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