Audio Recall

Dearest Sir,

Some of our earliest phone conversations are crystallized in my memories.  These conversations were puzzle pieces that fell neatly into a much bigger picture. I came to cherish them, and I looked forward to each and every one. We burned up the lines with our reciprocated feelings.

Firstly, I remember your voice. It became familiar to me as my own. As a bonus, I recollect your laughter even more. It has been enshrined in my memory all these years. I loved hearing you. I  yearned to hear you. I wanted to make you laugh, because in turn the sound made me laugh; your laugh was very infectious. It was a heady medicine to my soul.

Another memory that stands out among the rest may seem trite, but for some reason it is ingrained into the deep recesses of my mind. I was on the phone with you and I walked into my kitchen. I was wearing heeled boots and you could hear the echo of my footsteps across the kitchen floor. You paused and said with somewhat incredulity, “I can hear you walking.”  You seemed shocked by this revelation. I laughed and made some silly comment like, “Yes I can walk” then did a little impromptu tap dance loud enough for you to hear as well, which made you chuckle in your endearing way. You remarked that hearing me walk made me seem more tangible to you. It touched my heart, which is why I remember this incident so vividly.

Another lasting memory was when I called you up one day crying because a ring of mine went missing, and all evidence seemed to indicate that a neighbor girl had stolen it. Nothing else mattered to you (the significance of the ring, the girl, etc.) except that I was distressed. You didn’t think me foolish crying over a ring. It was the first time you called me baby.  Through my tears I remember mentioning that fact to you. You responded in kind that it just seemed natural to call me that lovely word. It warmed me through and through. (The ring was later found under the washing machine. Catastrophe averted.)

These memories may seem silly to some, but they hold a spot in my heart, and I’ve remembered them for what they stood for – love.  I thank you for them.

Most candidly,

Darling

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My Darling

Oh how I remember our phone calls. You call them puzzle pieces I call them exclamation marks! I planned my day around them. I very quickly knew your schedule and how we could successfully interlock our multi hour time differences. You were a young mother and I was a fresh faced starlet in my newly chosen field. We were worlds apart, not only literally but in our world views. It baffles me still but we found common ground, our differences so apparent. But oh how we cared about one another. You were the centre of my world. My days were planned around when I would see you online and even better when I heard your smiling voice.

You always did love my voice, and I loved that you loved it. But while I had only seen you in your pictures, I could still picture your animated face. I could tell when I vexed you, when you expressed mock indignation at some outrageous comment of mine, I knew how you laughed, how you teased, and dare I say how you flirted. Your voice, the sound of your life even, became a vivid connection between us. It happens still; I know the bark of your dog, the sound of your children, the laugh and the babbling of your niece. I don’t remember my comments on your footfalls, but it all rings so true. Yes I would have heard that sound and connected it with you and your life, and by god I know you would have tap danced!

I remember the loss of your ring though. And yes, you are right, the significance of the ring and the alleged thief meant very little to me. What distressed me were your tears and my inability to comfort you in any physical way. I don’t remember calling you “baby,” not on that particular occasion anyway; as you say, it would have just been a natural instinct to do so. I do however know I call you baby still, it is just…..right.

It is quite euphoric to see you talk about this some 16 years after it all happened. That you still think of that time (and me) in such a fond and cherished way amazes me still. You are right it was love and it still very much is. Thank you for reawakening the memories but also for allowing me to no longer suppress my over powering emotions. I love you now like I loved you then, with all my heart.

You Are Still My Darling

From Sir With Love

 

©2013 Darling and Sir

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The Virtual Beginning

Dear Sir,

I noticed you right away. You stood out among the crowd. In a world of black and white, your charisma and charm shone through. While most didn’t ‘get me’ you did; consequently, you did from the very onset. Nonverbal communication was no barrier in our minds. You would fire off a remark at me, and I’d fire one back even more caustic; I loved it. Sparring became our thing. We understood each other and my world became very small where you were at the center. I would get a thrill when I knew you were there. I still do.

We exchanged pictures. My eyes drank you in. There you were – a person of flesh and blood captured in 2-D. A man. Real. You seemed surprised that I liked what I saw, although for the life of me I don’t know why. Dare I say I saw a glimmer of hesitancy in your persona? I loved you for that small vein of uncertainty in an otherwise confident human being. It was endearing.

We took our long conversations to a private world where we bothered no one and just enjoyed each others’ humor, intelligence, and sarcasm. I’m not sure who suggested it first, but it was decided that we’d up the ante and move our discussions to the phone. I still remember the first words you said, “Did you think I was going to call?”  I giggled.  I was mesmerized by the richness of your voice. It fit you perfectly.  I couldn’t get enough, and this became the first of many countless calls.

The ball was rolling, and I was helpless to hold it back. I didn’t want to hold it back. I couldn’t hold it back even if I tried. It was beyond me. I was smitten. Thank you for this beautiful memory. I hold it close, and it’s very dear to my heart.

Fervently yours,

Darling

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My Darling

How very strange to be corresponding with you in this manner. I say that not because it isn’t right but because ours was a very modern romance, shaped and formed in the fires of the internet. I too remember our first encounter. You were in my room. A new little want to be who, like so many others, would be quickly made aware of the pecking order. How wrong I was. Oh yes we sparred, how could we not? The contest felt gladiatorial. You were fast, smart, educated and confident. It quickly became apparent that you were a new force to be reckoned with. But instead of a contest I gave you something that few have earned and even less have received, my respect. My room became our room. How could it have been any other way?

I still remember the first image that you sent me. A girl, no a woman, completely at ease with herself, comfortable in her own skin, was now challenging me from afar. Your swim suit may have been black and white but your personality shined through in all its multi coloured brilliance. Now I don’t want you to think it was titillation, although I couldn’t help but notice your womanhood, however the bravado you displayed was no braggadocio. The defiant pose you struck, as you leapt into that lake, was so in keeping with the personality I had come to know that how could it have been anyone other than you?

Yes our private chat was intense as we slowly got to know one another. We probed away expecting to find some weakness or some flaw. I for one have stopped looking. Yes we found every other’s strengths and we found each other’s weaknesses but that only made me love you all the more.

That first call I can still picture in my mind. There I was, all by myself. Sitting, staring, steeling myself to have the courage to pick up that phone. I gulped some water, cleared my throat, placed the instrument of our communication squarely before me and dialled your number. My heart was in my mouth. I was nervous, nervous like a teenager on a first date nervous. You answered and it began. My nerves? You washed them away.

How the ball did roll. I remember nought of what we said. What was important was that you had become a little more real, a little more tangible. Your personality now had a voice, one that I would come to know oh so well over the coming years. I had not said it at the time but I think we both knew how one another felt. Each step along our journey was not to confirm those feelings; they only served to make them all the more real. They are real to me still.

 

You are still my darling.

From Sir With Love

©2013 Darling and Sir

Introduction

Dear Sir,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

While I do not profess to be Mrs. Browning, I feel the essential need to pen my thoughts and feelings to you in these letters. The words may not be eloquent, but they are most definitely from my heart and soul. You know how I feel, and I hope that my words will do their utmost to portray that feeling in the written form.

First know that I love you truly and unconditionally. These intense feelings have never changed since the day we met despite a lot of heartache. Let me apologize in advance for any words I may write that may cause you distress  and hurt, but I will always be candid; I will never be dishonest with you.

Sometimes I may seem disjointed, but that is a testament to how I feel because it isn’t always easy to define the depth and intensity of those feelings. Mere words on a page seem paltry at times, but they serve a modicum of purpose in expressing my love.

I am not even certain that you’ll ever see these letters, but I suspect I might share them  with you at some point. You are a soul mate and kindred spirit. I adore you.

I love you always

Yours most ardently,

Darling

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My Darling

It is so humble of you to quote Elizabeth Barrett Browning. You and I both know that you have written your own exquisite poetry and I trust that we may see it grace these pages as this tale unfolds.  Your words are a thing of beauty and I treasure every syllable.

You write of unconditional love and my heart is warmed. I know that love and feel it too. I know the heartache and hurt of which you speak all too well. Much of it I have caused so anything that you feel may be a little too barbed for my allegedly tender ears I entreat you to just let loose. One of your many compelling strengths is your honesty. For you to temper it now would be a crime, especially if its only purpose was to spare my feelings.

When you found me after my years in the wilderness, I was afraid. The feelings that I had shoved down, fought against and ignored came rushing back. I was too much a coward to express them initially. I felt manifestly unworthy, and still do. That however changes nothing. I am unashamedly, unabashedly and unconditionally in love with you my darling. I have waited a long time to tell you again and I fear it will be at least another two decades before the novelty even begins to wear thin.

I see how complete our re connection is. You say that you may share these letters at some point, but you are three entries into our story (if I may call it that?) and already they blink at me innocently from my own computer screen. To make contact again has been astonishing, to be able to tell you how I feel again after all these years has been a blessed release but to have those feelings reciprocated, well I am speechless.

 

You Will Always Be My Darling

From Sir With Love

 

©2013 Darling and Sir